LEGACY

Kday wrote me a training plan.

One that will make my next Tri less disappointing and painful 

It's a hard training plan - for me.

I did everything possible today to avoid my scheduled bike ride. 

I even did the budget.

I was a monster of a wife tonight too. 

Between the looming ride and seriously raging PMS.... Kday was a sitting duck. 

Poor guy

He somehow always knows my needs.

He told me to take it out on the bike and ride hard.

2 minutes into the ride I was still mumbling curse words about my day, my attitude and the bike.

4 minutes into the ride I looked at the beautiful sunset and found peace.

Dang, I hate when he's right.

I rode to the end of Legacy Parkway and back. 

A smile and grimace on my face almost the whole way.

22.5 miles. 

Super Rad.

I even averaged 16 miles an hour. 

That's fast in chubby time.

Later this week. Intervals. 

Puke. 

(Wow, I forgot how fun that word is to say..... Say it..... Puke)

It will be worth it next month when I finish the race feeling good instead of defeated.

And when the scale starts to agree with my hard work.

I BELIEVE THE TECHNICAL TERM IS.... To Ambulate!

SHE WALKS!

My cup runeth over.

GUIDE RUNNER

If I haven't already told you how AAAHHH-MAZING Cruisin with Cricket is - then I haven't done my job. Really. She's THE most inspirational person I am privileged to be friends with and work along side of.
Becky wanted to start running again. The issue at hand - sight. Becky needed a little help in the vision department. Usually Cricket does the guiding for her- but in the circumstance of running... I filled in for Cricket. It was an absolute HONOR to be Becky's eyes during our run.

The night before our first run, I was a little nervous. So I did my homework. I researched websites on how to be a guide runner. It's awesome. N'uff said.

This little "snippet" might give you a tiny glimpse into the world of Becky's view each day. Told you she's incredible. I can't wait for our next run.

SOUNDTRACK OF MY LIFE

Sometimes when I doing things like - the dishes, or running errands, or on a date with kday, I wonder what music would be playing in the background if my life were a movie. I do it all the time. Lot's of songs come to mind. This one is epic. It's versatility is it's greatest trait.




Have a good run today.

KDAY - AS A DAD

Things have been a little "heavy" around here lately.... so this will illumine the funk a bit.

Last night Kday said he wanted to show me a cartoon of himself - as a dad of our two kids.
He said it's a sign of things to come.
For the sake of adding a little man to the family - lets HOPE SO.
For the danger our existent lady and our future posterity when I leave to get ice cream--- let's hope NOT!

Enjoy-

DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP

Saturday's race was grueling. 

I'll be the first to say I'm discouraged, more so now than I have been in a long time. And seriously disappointed in myself. It's been a few years since I've been stuck in such a doubtful mental existence. Two weeks ago I thought I was rocking this whole tri training thing. Yesterday kicked me in the teeth. It kicked me in the tooth that already felt kicked in from THIS POST.  But don't you fret my pets! I'll pick myself back up by tomorrow. But I gotta process my bike race on Sat first. 

The bike is my enemy. Food is my enemy. Hauling 15 lbs more this year than last - is my enemy. 

I settled in on the bike and felt fine until I hit the false flats that seemed to suck the life out of my legs. I don't back down to a challenge, and I've never thought about crying during a race. Saturday - I almost cried. I debated quitting. With one swift twist of my foot I could clip out and stop dead in my tracks. I hung my head and and I actually thought about just plain and simple quitting. NEVER in my life have I thought about quitting a race. 

I heard the voice of my sweet KDAY telling me "crying is only going to suck out energy that you need to go faster. So buck up and start pedaling." His dreamy voice was right. Instead of hanging my head this time, I bowed it and said a prayer. I asked the good Lord to help me finish this race. Help me to just keep going. Help me not to cry.

I said that I do TRI's because it's a challenge. I wasn't kidding. It's just never been this BIG of a challenge before. I'm ready now. It was the slap in the face that I needed to motivate me to reach my weight goals once and for all. I'm sick of hovering in the 150's and 160's. When I lost my weight before, I remember the moment that my dietitian told me, "Shannon, you have to be ready to let go of the weight. When you're ready to lose the weight your body will start to let it go." I'm ready. This weight goal has eluded me too damn long. Lets do this. 

I've got new journey's ahead. 

January 1, 2011: 140 LBS. 

131 days to lose it. 

YOU WIN SOME -- YOU LOSE SOME

JORDANELL TRI T1/T/2

Pre race nerves - but "thought" I was feeling confident in my training

Bike out - T1

Suffer-fest, last week I felt amazing on the bike. This week - I almost died

Bike IN

Run Out - T2

Finish Line - At least I beat the chick next to me.

Felt like shiz afterward. Can you tell by the look on my face!

Some cold water and a cute chika put a smile back on my face

I'm glad he still stands by me. Fat, less fat, win or lose. He's my favorite and motivates me to continue doing hard things. Even though I'm not very good at it.

My high hopes for yesterday's results were crushed about 1.5 min before I exited the swim and slowly made my way up the boat ramp. I felt great in the water and I thought the swim was going well. Until I checked my watch. Maybe that was a mistake. I was still a few hundred yards out from the swim exit and I was already 30 seconds past my goal split time. Dang it. 

Feeling good though, I wrapped up the swim and hauled through T1- - or so I thought. It felt slick as snot. Wet suit off, no time to dry, just slid my tootsies into my bike shoes, helmet click, shades on, and I was off. 

Then the whole thing went to hell in a hand-basket. 

I thought I was ready for the bike this year. But the bike owned me. I had NO juice in the legs. I tried over and over to speed up my cadence and amp up the speed, but to no avail. My body denied my numerous attempts. 

I finished the bike and hit the pavement running after what felt like another smooth transition. Numb feet for the first 2 miles only made me want to finish sooner. It was hot hot hot and thanks to the need to motivate a struggling runner next to me... I focused on helping her keep pace and we finished together. Well, I pulled in front of her just before the finish line - you don't think I'm going to "help her beat me." 

I'm slow - but I'm not stupid. :)

THANKS FOR THE GOOD LUCK WISHES. I APPRECIATED IT. HOPE I DIDN'T LET YOU DOWN AS MUCH AS I LET MYSELF DOWN.

KEEP TRI'ing

(nerves)

Tomorrow - 9:35 am I will Tri. I won't win. I won't even come close. My hope is to not be the last person in my age group across the finish line. If I can beat just one person I'll be happy. Well, maybe if I can beat more - then I'd be hapy. But I'll try to settle for at least being second to last. No more Athena... even though my crappy weight right now MORE than puts me well into that category! I'm having slight issues in that department - but we'll save that for a later post.

I TRI to do hard things

I TRI to face my fears

I TRI to push myself to do something I never thought I would have the physical ability to do

I TRI to lose weight

I TRI to make my heart happy

I TRI to fight against depression

I TRI to find the person inside that's dying to escape this body shape

I TRI to become the person I want to be

I TRI because I LOVE IT. 

Why do YOU TRI?

BREAK THE RULES

They say rules are made to be broken. I wasn't always of that mindset. Since I stepped out of adolecenthood I've become quite rigid. I like rules, they keep everything in order. I heart order.
However, the rule about "ALWAYS GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCT," is a rule made to be broken.
After arriving home from work on Tuesday at noon, the house was a disaster with crusty food on the floor that Layla had dropped during breakfast. 15 piles of laundry waiting to be folded, overflowing diaper pails stinking up the entire house.... My first instinct was to clean. Clean clean clean while Lady napped. But I channelled my inner self and asked her what she'd like to do. I wanted to nap. I wanted to lay down on the bed with Lady and take a looo-oong 2 hour nap with her. So I shut the bedroom door - to close out all the thoughts of total house messyness. We turned on "Friends season 5" and we snuggled in together and fell fast asleep.

We both felt awesome when we woke up.

 Second instinct in this case was WAY better than my first instinct. My days of napping with Lady are limited, she'll be pushing me away and onto independent toddlerhood any day now. So the house can wait, (sometimes.... if I really really work hard to ignore it) while I nap with my snuggle bug. A few more times.

LEARNING TO ACCEPT

Layla isn't a baby anymore. The amount of bottles I'm hand-washing each day is quickly dwindling and baby formula is being exchanged for milk. Baby food is transforming into table food. I hear women gleefully celebrate that they've washed their last bottle for awhile. But the difference between them and me is that they know they'll wash baby bottles again someday. I don't know if I'll ever be a mother of a newborn again. When I pack up the newborn clothes for storage, I wonder if they will stay in storage indefinitely or if I'll ever have the chance to lovingly wash and fold those tiny onsies again.

Lately I've found myself wondering the baby isle at the grocery store. I scan the shelves for something, anything I can buy for Layla to still feel like I belong in that isle. I waited SO LONG to feel worthy enough to walk that isle without feeling like I had a giant sign flashing on my forehead. A sign telling everyone I was an imposter. It's stupid. I'm well aware of that. I'm holding on to my baby for dear life. Meanwhile, she's telling me in so many ways that she's ready to grow up. I'm obsessed with her age right now. This is the most "natural" feeling age that we've spent together so far.

Change is in the air. I can feel it stubbornly pushing it's way into my future. I'm scared. I don't want to be the "crazy lady that treats her 13 year old like a 2 year old." Being a mom has fulfilled me beyond measure.

But if I've learned anything in my journey through weight loss, adoption, and depression... it's this: By resisting something - it only give's it more power and brings me misery. Acceptance brings new growth and eventually love for the circumstance. I'm trying to accept my understanding that pregnancy is just not an option for my future - miracle aside. And I'm trying to accept the idea of throwing my family into the fiery furnace -that is the adoption process. It's hard. We always want what we can't have. I pray that I can find emotional closure in the pregnancy department and just accept the beautiful journey that it's creating for me. And chose to see the beautiful surroundings that this journey has to offer.

OPPORTUNITY? CHECK!

Remember when I said I was going to do THIS? Well, I did. Sister C, runnning in circles, and I shlepped our kidlets up to the lake and took the opportunity to swim a mile or so. NO NEED TO SAY MORE - OTHER THAN THANK YOU XTERRA! For creating the best wetsuit in the world. I love you. I've never been more comfortable and speedy in the open water before. Not that I was really "comfortable" but I was at least a little less "oh my gosh I'm going to suffocate and drowned and the fish are going to eat me alive before they find my body...." kind of comfortable.  And my swim stroke felt natural, finally. Again, I love you Xterra. "Live More"

And we even impressed the local super star iron man guy who is competing in the world championship iron man this winter. He said, "Wow, you guys are hard core to train for a tri with all these kids to manage. I don't think I could do it." I didn't think much of it, but if fueled Sister C's 0prah idea. Great.

DIRT BOOGERS

Home from a super rad camping trip in sunvalley Idaho. I did a double two-fer workout.  It was supposed to be a tripple but we arrived quite late on thurs and despite getting an early morning run in.... Time ran out befor I could get out after setting up camp.  But I rode my bike 20+ miles on fri and sat and enjoyed a few 4 miler runs too. Kday is helping me put our lives back in order.... Wow what a dirty stinky mess we are. Lady is happy to be sleeping in her own crib and be rid of her dirt boogs. A few final days of training this week and then the moment of truth... Saturday. Off to mop the filthy floors.

OPEN WATER

I got me a new wetsuit this week. Xterra Vortex 3 sleeveless. Found a killer of a deal 70% off brand spanken new. I hope it makes me fast. Me and The Ladies and Layla are headed up to Pineview this am to test it out. Sink or swim baby!

YA BABY

I stood in my open garage, baby loaded in the Chariot, in redonculously tight spandex - watching the rain pour down onto the pavement. Five minutes passed, the excuses started to flicker in the back of my mind. Ten minutes passed, those flickering excuses became more like a bolt of lightning shaking my confidence to the core. "No excuses Sday."
Twelve minutes passed and so did the microburst of rain. The weather Gods were not going to give me an excuse today. So we rode. I rode hard and fast for the small amount of time I alloted on the watch. At one point I stood up, out of the saddle and I climbed. It wasn't a very steep climb or a long one either, but with Lady in tow... it was pushing me backward. She squealed in delight at the sight of me efforts to push my huge body up the hill. I cranked hard and then smiled as I relished in the sweet sound of my daughters voice behind me. I know she'll always be there - telling me to go faster. I love it.

Tomorrow:
Run. With Lady and my trusty running partner Kash. Run hard 4 miles. Short and sweet.... or sweat. Whatever you prefer.

HILLBILLY HATER

 Don't hate me because I'm a hillbilly!

Went to the dentist today - cuz I looked like a hillbilly. My tooth busted on Saturday night. My mouth still hurts and I'm trying to muster up the drive within to take Layla on a training ride. I need to ride at least 15 miles today. Before I lead Hope Group. It's gonna be close. I'll return and report tonight.

Peace Out.

GONNA BE ON 0PRAH.... someday + A WICKED NEW SLOGAN

Most people take every OPPORTUNITY to make an EXCUSE.... I'm making every EXCUSE to take an OPPORTUNITY.

SistaC- supervising 6 kids at the park before her lap swim

You like my new slogan? I freaking LOVE IT! SistaC got my wheels turning (literally and figuratively) while I was riding my bike home from the Lap Swim Pool. 

You see, three of us mom's who want to be fit, healthy, active, happy women have banned together to allow ourselves the chance to exercise without sacrificing time with our children. Sure anyone can pawn off their kids to a built in daycare at the gym (ew gross - don't get me started on the germ thing - OR the boringness of running on a treadmill!) But can you train for a triathlon with your baby on your hip? We can. 

This week Layla cheerfully hopped into the Chariot bike trailer and with baby in tow - I rode my bike down to the pool (4 miles). I met up with SistaC + 2 kids and L-dub with her +3 kids (twins to boot!) Us mom's rotated 20 min in the pool for lap swimming with 20 min of being

0cto-mom on the playground with the kids.  After my hard swim, Lady fell asleep in the bike trailer once more on our 4 mile ride home.

Sista C brought up the point that a lot of people would make the excuse that they don't have time to exercise or train because they have kids, too busy, no money for a gym pass etc. That's crap.  I thought about SC's comment. There is always a reason to make an excuse. I've come up with some rad ones in the past. But excuses void opportunities and I've missed out on too many awesome opportunities in this life because making an excuse was easier. My life is now, opportunity to live - and live active is now. My excuse is simple - I was busy looking for opportunities to live MY life. 

Next week I plan to do it all over again- except once home, swap out the bike trailer attachment for the jogger wheel and get in a run if afterward.  Swim-bike-run

Ya baby! Maybe SC's idea that 0prah will praise us someday for our awesomeness will come true... maybe 0prah will even buy us all new cars! ---- eh, I'll ask for a new bike instead ;)

Paparazzi Part 4

"Sleepwalking.... hard to keep up with Sday and baby in  Burley Idaho."

That's what the Paparazzi would say about this pic.

Sister

Sometimes I call you "Lady", sometimes "buka"(boo-ka), and other times "sister." Whatever it is that I call you.... it means LOVE. Every single ounce of love my heart is capable of feeling.... right before it explodes into a million pieces.
I love it when you follow me around the house when I'm cleaning - and you make a mess behind me.

5.2.8 Buka!

GAME FACE

Dear Triathlon swim,

You haven't seen the best of me yet. I will conquer you... it might take a while. But you will not beat me. Watch your back.

Sincerely,

Sday swimming

Mrs. Potato Head

"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TAKING A PICTURE OF ME RIGHT NOW?"

SPUDMAN 2010 TRIATHLON

Kday's totally awesome sister asked me to be the swimmer for her team. "Heck Yes!" I said. So then I remembered that it's twice the distance than I'd swam in my last tri. Yikes. Super yikes. I've been in the pool - training. But then you shove yourself into a gigantic neoprene, skin tight, makes you want to scream out in claustrophobia - wet suit on... and the real fun begins. I struggled a bit on the swim. I thought I was so so ready, but then the anxiety set in and I couldn't breath. My total time was about 3 minutes slower than I'd hoped. But that's what next time is for.

Kday's sister PINKY SWEARS we'll both do this solo next year

RRRRRIBIT

Pre-race jitters

Robyn rocked the run

Lady knew the best way to console me

Team TRI..... Hotties

By the way... did I mention we took 2nd place?

Well, the swim didn't go as well as planned. But I'm back in the pool and this week I start the bike and run. 4 weeks in counting till I squeeze my shiz back into a wetsuit. It's GO time.