This post has been mulling around in the back of my mind at great length for well over a month now. It's a topic of great importance to me and my readers and because it's so consequential, it's been hard to find the right way to spell it all out.
I get a lot of questions about adoption. I get a lot of remarks about the positive impact of my willingness to share my thoughts openly on a blog. And I get a lot of questions about how the two mix. People routinely ask me if either of my children's birth parents read my blog and how I feel about it if they do. I'm 100% certain they do, or someone in the related birth families do read my online musings. As for how I feel about it? Well, that depends on the day. Sometimes I long for privacy and the chance to raise my children without feeling the pressure of a watchful eye... I wonder how my parenting measures up to their opinions of what they might have offered as a parent. And other days I don't mind at all, it makes me happy to know that if they're in a place of need - a need to feel a connection with my family... that's the least I can offer them to repay their sacrifice. The pendulum of emotion sways heavily back and forth, back and forth. And often I argue with myself over which I deserve more, PRIVACY or FREEDOM.
Both are extremely important rights and privileges. Is it possible to have one without the other? They seem to display separate meanings when standing alone, but when wavered over which is more important... how does a person decide?
For now, I've chosen freedom. As a parent and adoptive mom (which is a term I only use for "technical explanatory" purposes... because I'm really just my kids' mom. period) I waived my right to a certain amount of privacy when I signed "The Papers." I knew that one of the only ways to match a birth parents sacrifice is to offer a sacrifice of my own, and that was my willingness to share the life of my new child and surrender my privacy as a mother. At least for a measure of time. If I could have offered more, I would have. But there are few things in this life that are as priceless as human life, and privacy was my most sacred offering. I was happy to do it because I love my children's birth families so much.
So I know what you're thinking, "well then sday, why don't you just quit blogging to regain some privacy?" And that my friends is where God comes in. I am but a tool in His hands, a missionary on His errand and I have been gifted and blessed with the platform of this space. I was blessed by a patriarch with the gift of providing hope, comfort, light and knowledge through the act of writing and language. I received my Patriarchal Blessing before the blogosphere existed and I wondered for so long what those blessings stood for. And here we are in 2013 and there's so much distortion in the online world. The world of pintrest and facebook, which glorify and promote the portrayal of perfectionism. Finding Sday is a space of reality. I like translucency, I want to share the truth and offer the authenticity that's so hard to find in this modern world. I strive to write without bias, and without sounding egotistical... I've been able to help people through my openness and writing. Comments, emails, phone calls, notes people have sent telling me that I've somehow helped them along the way... that's my freedom. That's worth the sacrifice of privacy.
I've debated quitting this blog so many times, to feel a sliver of seclusion from the judgments that certain readers might pass .... or by any of the readers for that matter. But that wouldn't be honest to my spiritual growth, it wouldn't be honest to my Heavenly Father who provided me with a place to help others. Everything I've experienced in my life on earth has been an opportunity for me to grow, and learn... and I would be selling those blessings short by not offering up my findings throughout. So despite who, what or where people are reading my words, I will continue to write without a filter. I write the honesty in my heart without the worry of who might be reading and what judgments they might pass. The hope or laughter I can provide another human spirit is more important than worrying what opinions might be placed upon my best efforts as a parent. I will continue to share my findings and sacrifice my privacy for the right of freedom. Freedom to offer authenticity to others, in a world where it's hard to come by. And I hope you'll enjoy my continued findings.
