COMMITMENT ISSUES

I have severe commitment issues with baby products. It took me almost 2 months to muster up the gumption to pick out a car seat for Layla. And I wasn't even the one paying for the pricey little number! The same problem has been my nemesis for all baby related "gear." It has taken me almost 4 months of research and over analyzing thought to decipher which stroller to add to my repertoire. And again... still an item that I am not having to pay for out of my own pocket! (thank you very much Rita for the boys early Christmas gift)
Do I get a tripple?
Double?
Side by side?
Sit 'n stand?
Stacked?
Umbrella style?
Jogger?
Click 'n go?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!!!!

Did you know that I've probably spent over 100 hours watching stroller reviews on U.tube as well as reading every possible review on "multiple baby" message boards known to man?!  After A LOT of thought... I finally settled on my first instinct. I decided that a triple is uneccesary. I like to travel light, keep it simple, and not get too bogged down with options. I don't need a cup holder, a key holder, a place for four thousand shopping bags, a super duper sun visor, tricked out wheels, stadium seating, surround sound stroller. I just need a simple place for my kids to sit or lay when we're out to places that is too far for them to be expected to ambulate. I also don't think kids over the age of 3 or 4 need to be hauled around in a strolling mechanism every time we venture more than 20 paces from the car. I see kids who are well into their "walking" years being pushed around stores and it drives me bonkers. Ok... I'll step off my soap box now.
We decided on the simplicity, relatively compact size, and lightweightedness of the Maclaran Twin Triumph. It's suited for newborns on up and so far I LOVE it. Kday picked the color.

It came yesterday and I couldn't help but tear open the box and hope that it fulfilled everything I imagined it would be...

We took it for a test drive. The verdicts are in: Rider loved it and fell fast asleep about 1/2 way through our walk. He loved the various recline positions. Layla loved it also but has been told that once baby brudda #2 arrives, she's on walking duty. I think it's everything I hoped for. Simple, highly functional, and a tad bit stylish. Who could ask for more. And it handled the leaf covered path with remarkable ease. 

Now,  hopefully I'll look less like a circus while walking down the street, and more like a "ducks in a row" kinda gal.

WISHES DO COME TRUE

As if you haven't already begun to believe my beyond awesome psychic - in touch with the universe capabilities...
A matter of years ago Kday and I receieved an ornament for our tree and I dubbed it as the "wishing ball." Not quiet sure if it's the true purpose of this little red ball ornament but I began a little nonsense tradition of writing down a wish, folding it up and locking it away inside the little red ball. It sits on the tree soaking in all the Christmas spirit and then it quietly hides away in the attic all year until next Christmas.... and when it's time to decorate the tree again the following year, the proof is in the ball.

Last year I decorated the tree while watching the movie "Eat.Pray.Love" and I remember jotting down a simple wish and slipping it into the ball - to be opened in 2011. I'm such a sucker for superstitions and you'll never believe what my little wish unfolded to read this year. This is for shizzle.

I most DEFINITELY don't have my inner body on the outside... but I MOST DEFINITELY am pregnant. How in the world do I do it?
Kday made me promise not to write any wish related to adding more children to our family by next Christmas. I think maybe for the first wish ever in my life I might lay off the baby wishing.... maybe. Ha!

PULL THE WHAT OUT OF THE WHAT!!!!

The Chef's

Miss Mary doesn't enjoy cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Last year we even resorted to deli sliced turkey sandwiches. It was awesome... but just didn't quite hit the spot. So my SIL, Kim, and I decided that it was our turn to grow up and learn how to be official woman folk and cook the meal for the entire family. 

My list of items to attempt cooking included: the turkey, green bean casserole, rolls, apple pie, banana cream pie, and gravy.
Meat scares me. I'm quite inexperienced in cooking meat. So when I saw what a raw turkey out of it's packaging looked like... I was completely and utterly grossed out by it. What in the --- are all those bumps on it, I asked Rita? Casually she explained that it's where the feathers are plucked out of the skin. Gross! Double gross! But the real fun happened when Kim watched me pull the turkey neck out of it's body. WHAT! I have to touch it!? Yes, and I did. And we almost peed our pants right there on the kitchen floor. I screamed with disgust and dry heaved more than once while we discussed the freakish touch, smell, and sight of a turkey's neck being pulled from it's body cavity. Wowzer... I sure have a new appreciation for those women who have cooked a beautiful turkey for me for the past 30 thanksgivings of my life. Imagine my equal disgust when it came to massaging butter and herbs on the pimply turkey skin... aint gonna happen people. Kim took care of that for me. I did however reach my hand all the way inside the body to stuff it with some miscellaneous seasoning items.

And after that... the rest of the dinner was history. 

Pies - easy. 

Rolls - burnt.

Green Bean Casserole - burnt and kinda gross.

Gravy - bland and runny.

Turkey - Ok, I think.

All the fixin's that Kim made were fabuluroso as well as the tasks Miss Mary handled.
The day was superb. I spent the entirety of the day with my lady friends in the kitchen and the evening watching Christmas Vacation and listening to my dad's laughter roar through the house.

FAVORITE PART OF THE ENTIRE DAY:

As my entire family sat around the table for about 45 minutes post meal and light heartedly discussed baby names for the up coming arrival. We joked about names like "buster, seven, francis, and chauncy." It was kind of a magical moment, sitting around the table with the ones I love and sharing laughter, inside jokes, and stories. I loved that we were discussing names... for a baby... my baby... the one I'm carrying in my belly. Surreal.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

MY LITTLE GIANT

Monkey went in for his 3 month check up (supposed to be a 2 month - but the MD couldn't squeeze us un any sooner)
He measured up fabulously and Buca did a good job of consoling her baby brudda after he got his immunizations.

Buca waited patiently in her chair eating snacks and reading books until it was her turn for the flu-mist

After earning her sucker and showing brudda how to be brave... she held his hand after his shots and he held onto her for dear life. 

It was a moment that tickled my fancy.

Sweet kids.

 He wasn't sure how he felt afterward, but a little tylen0l and a good nap did the trick and he's been sweeter than sweet ever since.

The Official Stats:

Height: 24 1/4 inches - 75th %

Weight: 13 lbs 9 oz - 75th %

Head size: 50th % 

Big fella.

Cute fella.

I'm head over heals in love with him.

BUBBA BUBBA BUBBLE BATH

Since moving into a multilevel home, other than the stair climbing workout, a few other daily challenges have crept up. And let's face it, the stair climbing is the only exercise aside from yoga and 1-2 short walks a week that I'm getting these days. It's a good thing. But something that presented as a trick was how to manage bath time when we reside in the basement and the only tub in the house is two levels up. Thank goodness for big sinks people. My mom's deep kitchen sink has proved to be the perfect cleansing hub. I'm sure it makes Miss Mary a little bonkers that I'm always bathing my children right after dinner in the middle of her kitchen while she's trying to chillax for the evening... but she' good to put up with me. Heaven knows I love a good bedtime routine for my kids.

So my solution to avoid running around the house - upstairs and downstairs - and gathering all the bath time necessities every night... the bath box.

It stows away under the sink nicely and has all the necessities. Diapers in each child's size, brushes and combs, detangler, baby oil, washcloths, powder, and of course baby lotions. I'm a weirdo when it comes to smells. It's a topic that deserves it's own entire post. So don't think it bazarro that I have a different scent of lotion and body wash for each of my kids.

 Layla scent is J&J's Shea and Coco Butter. Rider rocks the J&J's Vanilla Oatmeal. I'm still up in the air about which scent the newest arrival will use. I had better decide soon. Time's a ticking. 

Anyway, it keeps bath time organized and simple. I just whip out the box and a pair of PJ's and before I know it everyone is bathed, lotioned, and ready for bed by 7:30 pm - sparing me the post dinner run around chaos. 

SPENT

Layla passed out asleep on her floor after a weekend of fun

We spent the weekend getting totally organized and completely "moved in" around here.

We spent time trying out the new Double Chariot on a walk around the "hood."

We spent Friday night at the Nutcracker and picked out a snow globe for Layla.

We spent Saturday night as a family at the Christmas tree lighting at The Gateway.

We Spent a little money Christmas shopping and eating the worlds most delicious cookies.

And after all that....

Layla was SPENT.

SHOWERED WITH LOVE

The baby shower thrown for the baby boys was stupendous. I can't believe the generosity. Crazy generous.

Money tree that people donated to and the money was placed in the piggy bank and their name was placed on the tree with tiny blue clothes-pins.

D-licious home made caramel shortbread squares of heaven

Can one possibly over dose on these? I think not... because I certainly can't get enough of them

How darling are these "twin boy" gingerbread men!? Oh me oh my... my heart melted and I almost started to cry when I saw how cute and thoughtful these cookies were!

Grapes... another something that I can't get enough of these days. Yum!

The most fantastic punch I've ever devoured. I had 4 glasses. And still didn't get enough

The people who came to support us and this crazy exciting abundance of babies - are much appreciated. I can't thank everyone enough and the ladies who put this shower together were the sweetest. So thoughtful. Now I've got to get to work on the thank you cards.... time's a ticking you know :)

5%

Me Monkey

In an adoption class I once read that 5% of all infertile women are able to conceive. I also read the statistic that 5% of all women with infertility who adopt are able to conceive. Adoption does NOT increase a woman's probability of conception after a life of infertility. Adoption should not be minimized as just a simple way to fix a problem. The miracle and sacrifice is not to be sought after as a treatment for IF (infertility).

As a woman with IF, prior to becoming a mother, I heard the comment "Oh you should just adopt! I've know so many people that adopted and then got pregnant."
A) Yeah, like adopting a child is going to just miraculously fix my ovaries that have been dysfunctional since birth.
B) "Just adopt"... like it's so easy. People act like adoption is as easy as "just" go to the store and pick out a baby and bring it home.

Then the second stage of the comments came after we had successfully adopted our Layla. "Oh! You know you're going to get pregnant now right!?" I would just casually smile and think, "Ok. Whatever."
Besides, who cared... I had my perfect angel baby.

What people don't realize is, yes, you do hear stories of people adopting and then getting pregnant... but you don't hear ALL the stories of people who adopted and didn't get pregnant. That's less exciting - so nobody talks about it.

Now we're in the double trouble phase of the misconception that adoption is a cure all for IF. I HATED hearing the stories.... and now I AM the story. But I really don't want to be. The comment I get almost daily now is, "Oh that's how it always happens! You adopt and then get pregnant!" No, I'm sorry, thats NOT how it always happens. I never thought it would happen to me that's for sure! Am I glad it did? Absa-freaking-lutely! But I hate that I have become one of those stories that people are going to use as ammo against the next woman they know with IF. I know how blessed I am and I know it's a great story to tell. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. Not anything. And I don't mind that my story will be told... I just mind if it's used as a "Just adopt and you'll get pregnant" story. Is that so bratty of me?
I just really don't want my story to bring a single ounce of guilt or frustration to any women who are still awaiting their miracle baby. Yes, some of us who adopt are blessed beyond measure to experience a pregnancy and birth. But also, there are many who adopt and that the end of their road to parenthood and there's NOTHING less miraculous or beautiful than that in and of itself. Adoption is a means to being blessed with a baby in your life... it's not a medical cure to a disease. I'm just part of the REALLY REALLY LUCKY 5%. Wow, I've never had good luck until now.

TRIPPLE YIKES

60 days people! I have 60 short days until my third child arrives. Holy smokoloy. The to do lists are expanding by the minute... so much so that I think I'll lay down and take a nap. It's worn me right out. I'll be back tonight with a few new posts.
Until then, start thinking of everything I could possibly need to know, have, purchase, etc.. in order to survive parenthood x 3 and please leave it in the comments box. I must be as prepared as possible. And YOU are the ticket to getting there. You know more than I do.

INFERTILITY EXPLAINED PERFECTLY

C.jane read my mind. She is the sister of the well known survivor and blogger Nie Nie, and she's a fantastic writer. On the eve of having her third baby - after years of a struggle with infertility, she wrote THIS POST. Please read it. Its like she crept into my mind one night and translated every thought I've ever conceived regarding my history with infertility. Wow, she put's it so perfectly and well written. She was able to tap into my deepest swirling and confused thoughts and explain them with the greatest of ease.

Her post is one that is a precursor to my soap box for "I'M NOT A STATISTIC.... DON'T USE ME LIKE ONE."

CALLING A TRUCE

Layla's attitude about life - PRE potty training

Since potty training started, Layla and I have been at odds with each other. I thought we'd get over it within a few days, so we continued on... and on... and on. We've been trudging through the trenches of potty training for over a week now and it's time to face the facts.
Factoid #1.
Yes, Layla is getting the hang of it. And yes, if we continued trudging we'd eventually succeed. Eventually.

Factoid #2.
We have been each other's worst enemy since I got the redonculous idea to force Layla into growing up before she was ready.

Factoid #3.
It's not worth losing my sanity, Layla's quality of life, and our friendship, just to save a few bucks a month.

I know we've crossed the potty training hump, HOWEVER, Layla and I are both miserable every minute of the day except when she's in a pull up. So it's time to swallow my pride and cut my losses. I've had an inkling since day one that I might be pushing this topic a little to hard. And last week when I had talked myself into calling it quits - I was totally relieved. But I ignored my first instincts and we pushed foreword. But I've come to my senses and now I'm going to follow my instincts. Life has been miserable and it's really not worth it. Layla will be happier, I'll be happier. So back to diapers it is. Go ahead and judge me. I failed. I quit. Whatever. I'm positive it will bring joy back to my life with my little girl- and that's more important than being the first mom on the block to potty train. Plus, after an intervention of sorts with some of my favorite people, it only validated my decision and reminded me that motherly instincts are worth following and pride is worth swallowing. Thank you ladies.

LISTS, A SHOWER, MERCY, VERBIAGE, HOT CHOCOLATE, AND A RETURN

Rider enjoying a little time with his "Angel"
The first time they've met since she relinquished her rights and placed him in Kevin's arms 2+ months ago

LISTS

Nesting has begun again. 

Wow, I'm barely recovered from Rider's nesting period. 

If my configurations are accurate - I have about 4 weeks to prepare and complete everything on my list.

I want everything ready 4 weeks prior to my due date.

In order to enjoy the holidays as well as the last month of my life with 2 kids and the last month of carrying life inside... I must be prepared by December 16th.

The "list" phase has officially begun.

"Christmas shopping list"

"To do before the baby arrives list"

"What the "boys" need list"

"Hospital packing list"

A SHOWER

I have a baby shower tonight. 

I am so excited, yet it seems so surreal for some reason.

To be completely honest - I never thought I'd get to have a baby shower while actually pregnant

Is it going to be any different Layla's shower that we had after she arrived?

I feel overwhelming blessed that people are offering to shower me with more gifts of love after we were already so over showered with Layla's arrival. 

Wow.

I don't deserve it.

It makes me feel special.

And awkward :)

MERCY

The good Lord has shown me so much love this past few weeks.

I've logged a few tough days under my belt over the last few months - yet how can I complain because I've also been more blessed in my life over the past few months than ever in my life. 

Despite the fact that my prayers have been greatly lacking lately, Heavenly Father has sent me Tender Mercies over the past few days. 

You know who you are.

My "Tuesday Girl"

And the special phone calls I got yesterday for just "checking in" purposes

All the people who've let me cry over lunch or over the phone

I'm fine.

Just anxious and overwhelmed and hormonal.

I need to hit my knees and thank God for everything and everyone he's put in my life.

And I need to remember that people aren't helping me because I can't handle my life... it's because they're showing me mercy for the challenge that is my life right now.

VERBIAGE

Just a funny note that K.C pointed out today while we were chatting and walking with our kidlettes in tow....

She noticed that I always say "When we get the baby." 

K.C said how funny it is that I've never said "When I have the baby."

Or "After I deliver the baby."

I've always been very careful as to how I spoke about our pending adoptions and I never knew the right way to talk about "getting a baby." 

So it seems so foreign to me to talk about HAVING a baby!

Funny.

I'm having a baby.

Yikes.

I guess I better start accepting it - and saying it out loud.

HOT CHOCOLATE

Kday, Rider and I all drove down to the yummiest hot cocoa parlor in SLC and met up with Rider's Angel.

She looked stunning as usual.

And we talked for 3.5 hours.

It was so comfortable and natural - it was like meeting up with an old dear friend.

And she is... a dear friend.

Someone we love very much and someone that is very special.

She held Rider and admired him the same way we do every day.

She fed him and rocked him to sleep.

We chatted about everything from her labor and delivery to politics and everything in between.

It was awesome.

I'm sure we'll do it again.

And even if it's not for a long time - I'm certain we'll just pick up where we left off.

It made me happy for multiple reasons.

RETURN

I've officially made my return to yoga and walking. 

Celebration.

I've been too chicken to exercise much during this pregnancy. 

Stupid I know.

But I started going to my favorite Yin-Yang yoga class again and it's AMAZING.

My body and mind are greatly in need of the stretching and meditation.

It's such a balance between being active and quiet - mind and body

Yes, I feel like an elephant on it's back trying to look graceful.

It's awkward and I look silly.

But it's sooooooooooo good.

Walking, yes, walking. I've been too scared to even do much of that.

Craziness right!?

But we got our double jogger and I threw the kids in it today and went for a good old fashioned brisk walk with K.C today and it invigorated me in a way that I've been missing for 7 months.

No matter the weather, we'll be walking every single day of the remainder of this pregnancy.

It's a promise. 

THE END 

SEEING 30/30

 I'm officially 30 weeks tomorrow. And in the all the chaos of moving and Rider's arrival - I failed to blog about turning 30. First off, I obviously didn't meet my weight goal of losing 30 lbs before my 30th bday... but I most certainly met my pregnancy weight gain of 30 lbs :) Can that count? Thirty weeks is a little bitter sweet for me. The end is nearing and I'm loving pregnancy so much that I don't want the end to near yet. If I could push a "pause" button and stay in this stage of pregnancy forever, I absolutely most certainly would. It's the best... minus my fat face. Ya, that's the key, gimme back my jaw line and a little tone in my arms and legs and I could stay here forever. I can't believe it's gone so quickly. May 14th was the first time I saw those double pink lines on the test... well, all 6 tests :) It seems like an eternity ago that I was holding Kday's hand while quaking on the table as each second ticked by in slow motion as we waited to see a heart beat. And every appointment since that first one - I've held my breath until I hear the sweet music of his heart beating independently of mine. It's a miracle. So I'm welcoming the 30 week mark with eager plans of preparing for this little miracle man to arrive. I'm also planning on savoring every last taste of pregnancy I am blessed enough to experience.

As for turning 30... that rocked. My twenties weren't the fun filled, carefree, super hot body, years that most people experience. Although I was so happy to be married to my soul mate and to graduate college and settle into a home, my depression controlled the majority of my twenties. I struggled to survive some days. Literally, life was sometimes so overwhelming that I didn't think I go on for another day. But I fought and with the help of my family and my two Becky's, I found life. Near the end of my twenties I was able to find sday. I had become so lost that I had no idea what to even look for. And then slowly but surely I started finding piece by piece, small bits of myself and the things I have to offer this life. By the age of 26 I was on the road to joy and fulfillment. I kind of feel like I'm just at the beginning of the awesome road of joy I've discovered. I think my thirties are only going to expand my self discovery. Thirties also bring security, I'm secure in who I am and what I have to offer. I'm secure in my marriage and role as a mother. I'm secure in my knowledge that I have 100% control over my physical fitness and health. My depression no longer rules my life and I am the one in drivers seat. Thirties are going to be great because I'm secure in the knowledge that I can be me... and although it's a little quirky, crazy, wild, loud, unstable, and different - it's who I am and I don't need to change for anyone. If someone doesn't like it, they can leave it.
Except you Kday... You're stuck with me :)

MAKING BUBBLES

 The aftermath

So we're officially into potty training 4 days now. The first day sucked rocks. Big time. By 10 a.m the second day she understood what it meant to "go on the potty." The first time she realized she was doing her business on the potty she said, "Oh I made bubbles!" So now that's the cue for her to actually pee. For the remainder of day 2, as long as I stayed on her like white on rice - she didn't have any accidents because the minute I'd sit her on the potty she'd "make bubbles."

 Twenty four hours later, however, was a whole other story. She had already wet through about 6 pairs of big girl undies by 10 a.m and I was so discouraged that she wasn't telling me when she needed to go! She would still do "bubbles" on the potty if I put her on it... but I was expecting her to tell me most of the time she had the urge. Well, by noon yesterday I felt like a total failure and I was milliseconds away from just putting her back into a diaper because I was so overwhelmed at the idea of these continual accidents happening. How long were they going to go on? I wondered. It is so much more convenient to just stick a diaper on and have my freedom back... I justified. 

But then after many, many, many, moments of crying and seeking advice from close friends and family, I decided we've come too far and MY freedom is not worth sacrificing LAYLA'S learning and growth.  So despite feeling like a total failure and being so angry that Layla was not telling me yet that she needed to make bubbles accurately, we have kept on trucking through the process. 

And I should mention that I had really attempted to just wing it for the first 3 days without following a book or any type of "program." Stupid idea sday, the one time I decide NOT to have a plan... stupid stupid stupid. POTTY TRAINING NEEDS A PLAN PEOPLE! I don't care what system you chose, but I think that following a system is what helps a person be consistent and that is what helps the child understand exactly what skill it is that we're asking them to master. 

So after a tearful phone conversation with a friend and debating quitting and just putting all this added stress off until next year - I decided to follow an Ebook that my friend emailed me. I'm not sure the exact name but it's awesome and it's working beautifully. The whole idea of the program is for the child to learn quickly how to tell you that they have the urge. Layla so quickly learned the first step which was "how to make bubbles" but she was sooo soooo sooo not understanding how to give me warning - or how to feel her body warn her. But with this program we're following, she is figuring it out rather quickly. In fact, I have been interrupted twice while typing this post because she has given me cues that she needed to go and she was able to run to the bathroom and climb onto her princess potty before making her bubbles. It wasn't the ideal "Mom, I need to go potty!" statement I am still waiting to hear, but it was something to the affect of "I need a diaper change" which was an immediate trigger in my mind that the goods were about to arrive :) If you know what I mean! 

So... day four brings a feeling of hope. I'm looking foreword to what day 5-6-7 will bring and I'm praying really hard that it will bring more success and the ability for her to tell me she needs make bubbles. As long as I don't end up with a sink full of Th0mas the Tra1n undies at the end of each day - I'll be happy. Yes, she picked out boy undies. And I rather like that about her.

HALLOWEEN EXTRAVAGANZA 2011

 Our annual Day Family Halloween party began as usual with carving pumpkins.... lot's and lots of pumpkins. Layla found it more entertaining to eat caramel popcorn while sitting next to me as I carved.

 Rider did his part to contribute to the pumpkin show... He made a pretty cute pumpkin topper.

 Because it's a 2-3 day event, Layla needed to show off her pre-party halloween attire

 Rider had a few outfits and smiles to show off as well

 He takes these events very seriously....

 I carved and painted the children's profile into a pumpkin for them.... Kind of trendy -

 But cute, so whatever :)

 The girl cousins (missing a darling little red headed swiss miss)

 My darlingest little witch

 I was shocked at how much Layla loved her costume and was willing to wear her hat the entire night. And I couldn't get over her little pot belly hanging out over her skirt. Oh, she was so stinking cute - she made my night perfect.

This is "Rita" (her blog name) She's amazing! Not only did she put on an amazing feast of food for us for 3 days and nights, but she took care of Monkey the entire weekend. She really is a rockstar for everything she does for her family and I never find time to thank her enough. So - THANK YOU RITA! 

 This handsome count can bite my neck any day... 

And I kinda liked his dark hair!

 The "woman folk" of the party. All the adult ladies pulled of some awesome witch costumes and the youngin's were western cowgirls. Layla kept asking... where's their cows?

 Kday and I hit the sidewalks with Layla for trick or treating together this year and it was one of my most memorable experiences. My heart felt like it was being tickled with feathers as I watched my "baby" run up the porch and ask for a "twick oh tweet" in her squeaky little voice. She was so grown up and finding so much fun in the little things life has to offer. Kday and I slowly walked behind her and reminisced about how we got here and how lucky we are. Life is short and living in the moment and capturing the essence of the situation you're in is the best way to slow life down and enjoy the ride.
I can't say I did that yesterday during potty training... but I definitely did it on Halloween and my cup runneth over. My life is good.

 Buca thought life was great when we returned to Rita's with a full bag of candy and fresh frosted cookies to devour - before dinner :)

 The Day Family - We need to get as many family pictures as possible these days because our family portrait will be changing shortly! 

Kday getting the kids wound down and ready for bed

Until next year....

Hope your haunting was as happy as ours.