ATHENA ATHELETE

Athena: Not the hottest of Goddesses... in my humble opinion.

What is an Athena Athlete? For all 2 of you who read my blog - here is the answer. In some athletic events - such as some running races and most all triathlons, there is an "Athena Division." It the fat girl club. No offense to you Athena's who are only in that division because you're tall and skinny but still weigh over the weight requirements :) To register in the Athena division you must weigh in at or above 150 lbs. It makes racing against other athletes your age a little less "doable" so that we're not always coming in last place. We're the "slow" ones..... 

or are we?

Athena: is the Goddess of wisdom, warfare and crafts. I would agree with all three points. I consider competition (races) WAR. I am in it to win it. But my question to myself this year is "To race age division or Athena?" Yes my weight says I'm an Athena, but last time I raced against only 1 other person and of coarse took 1st place (2nd is not an option). Not really a race if you ask me. However, if I race in my age division - it's not really a race either because I'll get smoked, killed, handed to... or whatever you want to call it when someone comes in dead last and wasn't even in the running for a possible win. There is no way I could be an actual "competitor" in my age division, given my weight and less than awesome physical fitness level. But racing against myself and 2-3 other people is boring. (Some who know me might call it the "monica" in me.) 

Although my "body" says Athena - my "heart" says competitor. 

I haven't filled out the registration forms for my next two triathlons in August. The Jordanelle Tri and the Bear Lake Brawl. I'll probably only race the sprint distances for both (I toyed with the idea of the Olympic distance in Bear Lake -- but after my run yesterday - there's no way I could train hard enough to recover from my 6 weeks of laziness.) but I'm torn about which division to register in. 

Either way, I've decided that NOW is the time to ACHIEVE my goals. I said I was going to do it... and although I'm still insecure and embarrassed at the sight of my arms - I'm competing in a tank top. Sick. 

IT'S TIME TO EMBRACE THE ATHENA IN ME.... AND THEN MOVE ON TO BETTER THINGS.

DEAR TRAINING EQUIPMENT:

Dear shoes,
I'm sorry that I have neglected you since my last race. I promised myself I wouldn't do that. I lied. Two weeks after the race I tried really hard to put you on and go for a run. But I was just too burnt out. Two weeks turned to three weeks which has now gotten way out of hand and turned into six weeks. I've been too nervous to hit the road with you lately, I don't want to see how much ground I've lost in my lazy month and a half off.  I'm sorry I traded you in for a swim cap... so today because the fates of the universe are screaming at me to go - I'll put my swim cap down and take you for a run. I hope you'll be kind to me.

Dear Swim Cap,
You are pink, and cute, and I like you... even if I only get to wear you while also wearing a ridiculously tight sausage case of a swim suit. I've been giving you a lot of attention lately - in prep for this weekends race. But I have a few other items of business to take care of as well and I might have to put you down a few times per week. We will still glide through the water together a few times a week - but I must also start running again. Thanks for understanding.

Dear Bike,
I'm still avoiding you. No other reason than I hate spandex. So I'll deal with you later. Sorry.

Dear Yoga Mat:
 You bring me peace, tranquility, and acceptance. I love you.

ALL MY MIGHT

I'M TRYING TO EMBRACE THIS MENTALITY... WITH ALL MY MIGHT.

CLICK HERE FOR THE AWESOME POST.

Despite my weight being up 15 lbs from this time last year.

Despite my inability to fit into most of my clothes.

Despite the fact that I'm eating well and working my "A" off in the pool, on the road and on the bike....

And despite my weight not budging on the scale -

I'm really trying to love the body I have.

How do I shut off the voice telling me I'll never be enough until I reach my goal weight? 

THER'S ALWAYS NEXT MONTH...

Monthly Comment Challenge Week - July 2010

Officially sucked. 

I found a way to weasel out... I didn't read most blogs on my blogroll

I avoided the the need to comment. 

Lame me.

I know. 

And we already know that most of you didn't do so hot either.

Well, there's always next month.

NO GUILT ALLOWED HERE.

Peace Out.

ONE THOUSAND..... BLESSINGS

They say: "A picture speaks a thousand words"

A thousand pictures say:

"That our photographer for Lady's Birthday party is the super raddest picture taker ever."

Those were my favorites... believe it or not - It was hard to narrow it down to just those few photos.

BOOK THE PHOTOGRAPHER BY CLICKING HERE

REPORT CARD

WE'RE 1/2 WAY THROUGH THIS....

HOW YOU DOING SO FAR?

In my humble opinion... not great.

I'm 100% positive more than 2 people checked the blog today. 

I'm not doing this for comments on MY blog.... 

I'm challenging you to let all the other bloggers out there know that you're alive and breathing and to leave them a tiny token of "thanks" for all they do to provide you with totally rad reading topics.

So there! Go and Comment!

I'm around 96% so far... but I will improve on that number.

STOP READING MY BLOG AND GO COMMENT!

Please/thank you :)

STINK

Camp Rocked.
Simply Put.
I just got released from a 5 year stint as a leader/advisor for the Young Women's organization of my church. I don't know if I "graduated" or got "demoted," but either way I'll be moving into the Relief Society Presidency. Yikes. That's all I can say... Double Yikes.

 I will miss "my girls." I've watched them grow up from Valiant 11-12's to Mia Maids and hopefully soon they'll be joining me in the R.S room. Don't worry girls... I'll do my best to make enrichment night as crazy fun as camp was.
I feel guilty for my murmuring while planning camp.... but it was worth the long hours of meetings and planning it took to pull it together.
And besides.... SOMEBODY had to rock the water ski... and afterward, squeezing in an open water 1 mile swim for training.

But now I stink... like campfires, lake water, endless layers of sunblock caked with dust, bug spray, mac and cheese with hotdogs, more campfire, and more dirt. Kday requested I shower. ASAP.
Whatever.
He smells like - boy - and that doesn't wash off. :)

WHAT ARE YOU FOR?

I am for Bikes.
So I joined People for Bikes.... you should too.




I'm trying to find some motivation to start training on the bike for my upcoming events... cant seem to muster up the drive. Swimming is easier when it's 100 degrees outside. And running is more enjoyable.
But mostly, I just hate spandex.

This one is an oldie but goodie.... I guess I'll get on the saddle and ride.

PYRO

I'LL BE UP IN THE MOUNTAINS CHILLAXIN AROUND MORE CAMP FIRES FOR A FEW DAYS....
KEEP YOURSELF BUSY - CLICK HERE.

MCCW ROUND 2

MONTHLY COMMENT CHALLENGE WEEK....

Ok so I haven't quite put forth this challenge every single month yet. 

Truthfully, I don't think you could handle it! 

So there.

Last attempt was pitiful. 

I think we can step it up a notch people.

SO HERE WE GO AGAIN. HERE ARE THE RULES:
I CHALLENGE MYSELF AND YOU ALL - 
TO LEAVE A COMMENT ON EVERY SINGLE BLOG POST YOU READ.
ON EVERY SINGLE BLOG.... FOR 1 WEEK
EVERY SINGLE POST YOU READ....
EVERY BLOG YOU VISIT...
can you do it?


I finished where I like to... 100% last time. This week is chaotic. I like a challenge.
Show me what you've got peeps.
I dare you.

K people...

to all who thought I was leaving them hanging 2 posts ago.... you silly ladies, click on the blue words "so so worth it." And you'll see my little surprise called YOGA! It's awesome. Totally worth getting up before the rest of the world to build my practice.

KDAY.... "THE EXPERT"

CHECK OUT MY SUPER RAD HUBBY HERE. AN INTERVIEW HE WAS ASKED TO DO FOR A COOL GUY WHO IS RESEARCHING "EXPERTS" AND HOW THEY BECAME "EXPERTS." KDAYIS MY FAVORITE.... AT EVERYTHING.

SHOP TILL YA DROP

Lady got a new shopping cart for her birthday. She's a fan of our trips to Costc0, so I thought we'd hone in on her cart skills. Maybe someday I can just lay out by the pool while she does all the grocery shopping...

FIVE FIFTEEN A.M

SO early.

SO tempted to hit "snooz."

SO worth getting out of bed and driving to Bountiful for.

SO SO SO WORTH IT.

THERE'S S'MORE TO LIFE

Had some friends over for Smore's last week. I made a complete fool of myself by shoving a gigantic mallow filled with a baby twix inside my mouth all at once. It was hot. Probably made Kday never want to hang out with me again.
But then after the crowd left, Kday and I just sat and talked. Like the good'ol days. I may have redeemed myself... "may have."

You want to change up the classic 'smore? Get the new huge mallows, roast it and then slide it off the stick and onto a baby twix.  YUUUUMEEEEE.

SOLO - TEAM

Last saturday Lady and I cheered Kday on at the State Championship bike race of 2010. It was our first bike race with an official "crawler." I was scared. To top it off we didn't have the super pro support crew that consists of Kday's dad, Cid. He's my extra set of hands at the races. And of coarse I'm still getting used to the title of "Mom" added onto the previous title of "feed zone queen." So this race was my first time without any other mom's in the zone or Cid.

Lady and I did fabuloroso together. We're seriously becoming quite the team. We shlepped our chairs, coolers, chariot and all other essentials up the mountain and set up base-camp at the feed zone. Five minutes after the first "feed" Lady fell asleep in my arms in a matter of nano-seconds. Unbelievable. Never has she fallen so hard or so fast. Super rad.

Two hours later, 3 race laps and feeds later, five minutes after the last feed went out - Lady woke up. All smiles.

We survived and had so much fun doing it.

I freaking love this "mom" thing.

P.S. Kday took 4th. and Lady joined him at the podium. 

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO...

GEEZ -O LOWEEZE -O. Sorry for the delay! I needed a few days "off" after the big party. So much fun to plan and pull off. Absolutely couldn't have done it without the totally awesome mother-in-law (MIL.)

I told my mom after the party that it was just like I always dreamt it would be... she said, "that's so lucky sday, most people never get to experience the things they dream about." It's true. Dang lucky.

I dreamt it and here's how it went down.

LADY TURNS 1

Kday's mom and I made a BAZILLION (150... well 145 after we each ate a few) cupcakes

Then we decorated them all fancy like. Some even had fresh homemade lemon curd and strawberry icing.

I made a bunch of these super easy Pom-Poms to hang in the trees

Like that. And we had lights in the sky hung... for ambiance

Then Kday left me with an hour before the party with a  shiz load of work to do... so he could go get stitches. Read a little more about that awesome trick HERE. (ya, that purple stuff is muscle, and that cut is about 3 inches long)

Don't fret. He made it back in time and looked super cute.

After a little nap, diaper change and some dinner... Lady made an appearance at her party. She wore 3 outfits. First, her cupcake casual wear (worn throughout the day)
Second, her cupcake gingham dress (worn at the party pre-cake eating) that Grammy purchased months ago
Third, after wearing her birthday suit to eat cake in, she wore another cupcake number that Nana got her.

D-lishous slider burgers and sides were served.
And the Pinata was a HIT. Literally. Ha!

The kidlettes reaped the benefit of the pinata

We sang. I cried. What else is new?

Lady daintily tested her first sweets. Her very own gigantuan cupcake

A party isn't a PARTY without sparklers... and not one single burn

Lady tested out her new chair and watched the 10 min video montage we made documenting her first year.

We quite enjoyed the day

And I think Lady did too.

Hmmm.... Only 357 days 10 hours and 30 min to plan the next party.
I best get crackin

FLASHBACK - JULY 7 2009

ROUND 11

JULY 7, 2009

One of the hardest days of my life. 

Re-packed our bags to re locate to Modesto due to the new circumstances of baby girl being in the NICU. We wanted to be close - to feed and care for her as often as possible.

A loooong drive that included a written list of possible baby names... Layla was mixed in somewhere between Jenna and Kylee

Check into the ROACH MOTEL... literally - bugs in the bed. It's all we could afford. 

We were invited to the hospital again. This time, we had a few minutes alone with baby girl.

We received our "bands." Kday and I shared a secret smile of "I can't believe this is really happening!." 

We held her without hesitation. Kissed her as if she was already our own flesh and blood.

And her nurse asked us what her name would be. 

We don't know - we asked her for some help.... she rattled off a few and then suggested Layla. Kevin was holding her and his face lit up. 

That was it - it fit her perfectly.

Layla

I begin to sob for Layla's birthmother. I can't possibly do this if she isn't going to be OK. 

Feelings of guilt wash over me, am I taking this baby from it's mother?

Am I being selfish?

Only a few moments passed and it was time to leave. Birth mom deserves all the time in the world with her baby today, because in a few hours she'll relinquish her rights.

Kday and I try to eat dinner.  Instead- we pace the hotel in prep for the meeting tonight at 11pm. 

Relinquishment.

Meanwhile in Utah. Kday's mom runs into our neighbor. She asks them to start a calling tree and tell everyone to pray for us at 10pm Utah time. 

I'm worried that she won't have the strength to sign. I'm scared that I will never be able to thank her if she does. What do we say? How do we do this? Kday never lets go of my hand - the entire drive to the meeting place. 

It's dark, it's late, and it's quiet. 

Kday sits on my left- our palms sweating in each other's hand.

We give her a small token of our love... nothing that could compare to the miracle she's giving us. It feels so silly that we even tried fit our "thanks" into a box. 

It's time. 

She goes into the other room. I can hear her sobbing. I hear her pause. My heart stops.

Her tears smudge the paper. She signs.

My heart begins to beat for Layla now.

She won't even look at me as she comes back into the room.

Now it's our turn.

The legal jargon is read to us.

I pick up the pen, then I hesitate.

I put the pen back down. 

I don't know if I can do this.
I want more than anything to be a mom. But not at somebody's expense. 

More hesitation allows me to hear her quietly sniffling in the room beside us. 

Kevin helps me. The caseworker tells me that she'll be OK. It's what she wants.

We sign the papers. 

It's done. 

There is not much more to say. 

I tried to pour my heart out. It was useless and she stops me. 

She is hurting too bad and doesn't want to hear it. 

Every fear of her hating me for this comes to fruition. 

I'm handed a letter from the birth father who signed his papers earlier - privately.

She resistantly hugs me and Kday.

An hour after we began, we go our separate ways. 

I cried all the way to the hospital. 

I've never cried so hard in my life. 

How can I be so full of joy and so heartbroken at the same time?

I scoop up my baby Layla and rock her... for the first time as her mother.

I watch as Kday changes her diaper for the first time...

And my heart begins to heal.

FLASHBACK - JULY 6 2009

ROUND 10

LADY'S BIRTHDAY

JULY 6, 2009

We wake up in Sacramento and wander around the unfamiliar house we were staying in (thanks to  a family friend)

Kday watched The Tour - I showered and cried

I got dressed in the outfit I laid out the night before. 

Still no news. Not even a word from our caseworker... it's now  been over 30 hours since labor started.

We go to target to waste time... I melt down on the way there. In the parking lot. And a major melt down in the shoe isle. Kday has to tell me to get a grip.  

I was 150% positive birth mom had changed her mind and nobody dared to call us because they felt too bad. "Why haven't they called Kev? Why, why, why, why?"

Poor Kday.

We send flowers to the hospital.

On our way back to Sacramento we finally got the call from the CA caseworker. 

Baby born at 12:29 am.

Birth mom is doing well, baby is in the NICU but doing ok.

Birth mom wants us to visit at 5 pm and wants Kday to give baby a blessing

Kday says, "of coarse." and his eyes fill with tears of joy.

We cry together this time. And still try not to get our hopes up.

We're nervous.

We get gas. This is how much it cost on the day Lady was born.

We drive to Modesto - sleep in the car for a few min and then walk hand in hand into the hospital. I wonder if she can see us through a window somewhere from her room.

I think I might throw up.

Breath. Here we go. 

I've never felt so small in my life as we walked through the hallways of the women's center and the nurses whisper behind us like leaves rustling in the wind. "They're the one's that are taking the baby." Their eyes pierce my spirit - judgment soaks into my already shaken confidence. As much as I want to meet my daughter... I want to turn and run for my life - I want to save myself while there is still a chance.  My heart is pounding so bad I think the cardiology department might be able to hear it across the hospital. 

Knock, Knock.

*** sparing some super personal details for our privacy***

We walk into the NICU, wash our hands and take a look for the first time at the beauty that is... our baby girl. 

I remember exactly how I felt the moment I saw her. I wish we could be alone so I could just hold her without being in her watched. 

But it's not my time yet. This is her birth mom's moment. Her moment to introduce the perfect, beautiful spirit that she brought to this world. 

We hold her - only for a moment and then it's time for me to leave.

Kday stays he holds his daughter and with the help of a bishop and the birth mom - he blesses the tiny infant to be healed and to understand all the love that surrounds her.

We hold hands and walk the halls with the nurses staring... and we leave. 

I don't remember talking much. A lot of crying. Joy and fear but mostly joy, so full that my heart feels brighter than the California sun. 

We try to eat. 

We try to sleep. 

But instead, we just talk about every detail we can remember at about that beautiful baby we held today.

BEHIND

We're a little behind in our Flashbacks as well as some other "must have" posts....

Swimming 1/2 mile at 5:55 am is one of the excuses,

another is that our wireless internet is down,

and the last is, I've been chillin with my Lady and eating cupcakes for the past two days.

We'll return soon with FLASHBACK July 6 -8 2009

And much much more!

CUP-CAKE-TASTIC!

Today rocked on so many levels. A seriously rad post about how amazing today was - is coming soon. plus we'll catch up on flashbacks.... but for now, I gotta nurse my spouses leg back to health and rock my baby to sleep and possibly sleep with her in my arms tonight.
Peace Out - till tomorrow

ONE

There are no words created to describe the insurmountable love that I have for you. You are the beat of my heart. 

FLASHBACK - JULY 5 2009

ROUND 9

JULY 5, 2009

Sunday morning 8:14 am

I'm in bed alone - Kday is doing Church work

My phone rings.... it's our incompetent caseworker. 

My disheveled thoughts linger on, "why would she be calling us on a Sunday?"

"Holy Shizzle! This is it!"

I fumble in excitement and drop the phone behind the bed.

Shiz.

I answer - full well knowing what the news on the other line was about to be delivered. 

"Birth mom's water broke yesterday, it's time to head to California."

Where is Kday when I need him?

I call, and call and call.... no answer. As I'm about to get in the car and chase him down when he finally calls back.

"What's up Shan?"

I tried to sound really mad, "You need to come back home right now." (to throw him off)

"Why?"

"Because it's time."

We can't finish our conversation over the sobbing tears on both ends of the phone

And the rest was a chaotic blur of FEAR, excitement, THRILL, joy, and complete reality.

I left the house in total disarray, I was an un-showered disaster in the least cute outfit ever... but I didn't care. I just wanted to hit the road.

The family gathered at The Day's house for a family prayer.

Our car was haphazardly filled with everything but the kitchen sink.... and we drove.

That drive was the best 13 hours I've ever spent with Kday. We daydreamed about things like: what Lady would look like, when she was born, how we were going to feel when we saw her for the first time... 

We laughed and cried and did trivia and just talked

Made it to the Sacramento house- no word yet on the baby

I set up the pack and play and start washing baby clothes

I freak out-

I take down the pack and play. I'm sure we'll be going home empty handed.

I continue to freak out for the next 12 hours.

Why haven't we heard any updates?

Kday kept his cool the whole time. 

We both try to sleep.

 We had no idea what tomorrow would bring.