A MOTHER'S IDENTITY...

Sday... Growing into motherhood

As a "mother in waiting," I don't think I was ever prepared for the flood of emotions that have swept over me as I've begun this journey of discovery. I took such pride in reading all the "how to" books I could get my grubby hands on. I thought it would somehow prepare me for everything parenthood could throw my direction. I tried to memorize all the developmental milestones and prepare myself to meet the needs of every single whimper. My first few days of motherhood when we were still in California and Layla was still in the NICU, every moment I had with her is etched into my memory perfectly. But the first few months at home left a hazy blur across my mind as the overwhelming reality of motherhood settled into my daily life. All along I had assumed that because I had the innate desire to be a mother it would translate into my natural ability to great at it.

Instead, I realized that I wasn't as natural as I had expected. But with a lot of self reflection, prayers to my Heavenly Father and wonderful conversations with other new mothers, I'm letting go of the self criticism. I'm trying to stop judging myself and accept that it's just who I am. I'm not naturally an easy going "whatever" kind of mom. My natural tendency is to worry about everything being perfect, because I love Layla so much. However, over the last few months I've learned that I probably won't always recognize exactly what Layla needs and exactly when she needs it. That's not what makes me a good mom. What's important is my absolute ability to love Layla and grow into my own skills of motherhood. I'm taking joy in the smallest moments and learning that it's OK that I'll never be a worry-free mom. My awkward moments are becoming more infrequent. My mothering strengths are beginning to unfold from within myself instead of from inside a book. It's different then I expected, but better because it's real. Every day I get a little better and I'm discovering my mothering identity and learning to love what I find.

THANKSGIVING HAPPENINGS 2009

Woke up to a beautiful morning with a fresh clean kitchen and my christmas decorations set up

Opened up one of my 5 newspapers and jumped back in bed with Lady and Kday

Scoured the paper for the Black Friday ads

Baked 2 of these from scratch

Kday took Lady for her first bike ride

She was bundled up and loved the view from Legacy Parkway

Ate her first plate of solids..... (just kidding)

We woke up at this time....

And got back home by this time....

With our Black Friday hot deals!

And finished the night with the Light parade

Today Lady rode the Front Runner train for the first time

Grammy took all the grandkids to Build A Bear Workshop

Layla picked out a scruffy puppy

She got a new fleece outfit and loved being outside watching her cousins

Loved riding Trax with dad

A wonderful Thanksgiving tradition

GIVING THANKS....

I almost feel like writing a blog post is blasphemous because I have so much to be thankful for and no words to describe it. My cup runneth over in every aspect of my life. I am thankful to be here, in this very moment. I'm typing on the computer while listening to Cori Connors new album, watching my dear Kday hold his daughter and feeling like the luckiest person alive. I'm thankful that I will never spend another holiday wishing that Kday and I could share our traditions with our child. I am thankful for the completeness that I feel. I'm thankful for the light in my daughters eyes that sparkle when she smiles and it makes my heart melt. My stomach swarms with butterfly's just thinking about her.

I am most thankful for all the pain I suffered to bring Layla into our home. All the bitter times have made motherhood so much sweeter. When I married Kday I thought that my heart was absolutely full with complete love that was physically possible. And if the Lord's plan was for Kday and I to be all there were to be... that would have been more than enough. But today, there are no words. Total completeness. I never knew the love a mother could have for her children. Now I can understand the love the Lord has for me.

SOME OF MY MOST THANKFUL MOMENTS

And THANK YOU all for your love and support.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Loving this newly release album that Kday did the art design for. Cori sang at our wedding and has the most angelic voice I've ever heard on this entire Earth. Purchase this and her other albums which are all as great as the next... HERE.

MATHEMATICS

Start with this

+Plus this

=Equals this

+Plus this

=Equals this

and this

41 Pints of 100% applesauce canned for Layla's upcoming season of eating solids. Thanks to the help of my wonderful mother-in-law, who the day before doing helping me, had a nice hard run in with the cement sidewalk and spent the evening getting stitches.

EVEN DAY KIT DO'S

Even days of the month- means that I TRY to get these things done on the even days ie, November 18,20,22 etc. And here are the dreaded "rules."
1. Complete 1 load of laundry- I have a love affair with Layla's laundry. I hate more than most things to do Kday's and my laundry. What fun is it to wash giant, old, boring clothes when you can opt to wash and fold all of Layla's darling, tiny, yummy stuff? I love love love doing her laundry, so I had to "make a deal" with myself because I found that my "1 daily load" was always hers. So now I have to complete 1 grown-up and 1 baby laundry load. Now here's the catch!!! COMPLETE A LOAD OF LAUNDRY MEANS washed, dried, folded, and put away.... in the drawers or closet. Not the laundry basket shoved in the closet waiting for items to be picked through and wrinkled until its not even considered clean anymore (you know what I'm talking about! Don't pretend you never do that :)) This way I can throw a batch in and fold it up throughout the day only taking about 5 min at a time instead of wasting every saturday beneath piles and piles of dirty socks.

2. Wipe down the bathroom: My second love affair in my life is Clorox wipes. I keep a bottle of them in the kitchen and bathroom at all times. I do the shower (Kaboom- no nasty chemical smells and it takes away all the grime with ease and my clorox wipes), toilet (clorox wand and Lysol gel), sink with the dirty hand towel (feel free to splash some water about onto the floors while cleaning the sink... to be used to wipe the floors!) and last but not least wipe the floors down with the dirty hand towel. Throw away the wipes, toss the towel in the dirty clothes and it's done in no time! Don't forget behind the door, I know you never shut it... but your guests do!

SNOW RUN

Had my first snow run of the season. It felt REALLY good. Looking foreword to a lot more.

EVERYDAY KIT DO'S:

So, today is an "even day" and a Monday on the KIT list so I've already completed my 1 load of laundry and made the bed with fresh sheets. Here's a quickie description of what I do to make the cleaning process easier, faster, and hopefully low hassle. And remember, my house is tiny and I only have 2 beds to make and all hard surface flooring so vacuuming is a must. If you decide to follow the KIT plan, feel free to modify it to meet your household needs. Or feel free to tell me if you think this plan is the most ridiculous thing ever.... I don't care cuz it works for me!

EVERYDAY RULES:

1. Now, I have never had a dish washer since the day we've been married. (8 lovely years) So, If I can keep the number of dishes stacked in the sink to a minimum then my life is much easier. I start by emptying the rack of dried dishes from the night before, then wash the new ones and set out to dry. Then, in the evening repeat the process. Simple, fast, and it helps that I have a beautiful view out the kitchen window :)

2. Quick theory, kids should be responsible for doing chores from a young age. So starting at the age of 2 I think they can help in the nightly clean -up process as part of their bedtime routine. (with help of coarse) So for every year they are in age, they pick up around their room for that equal number of minutes. (example: 3 yr old picks up his room for 3 min each night) But it max's out at 10 min at the age of 10.

Doing a quick sweep through the house to straighten couch cushions and pick up piles of shoes will dramatically change the way you feel when you walk into your living room each morning. It gives you a fresh start.

THOSE EYES...

I'm in love. Simply in love.

KIT DAILY DO'S

Tomorrow I will explain how I try to complete these tasks in the most efficient and thorough way. Usually the total time spent each day should not take more than 24 minutes (remember that I have a small house) and although it doesn't get the deep cleaning done, it keeps the house tidy and clean enough to think straight.

Here is my "KIT DAILY DO'S" to keeping an orderly house clean without sacrificing an entire day or week EVER to cleaning!*

EVERYDAY RULES:
1. Always start and finish the day with an empty sink
2. 2-10 minute pick up before bed
Even days of the month: (ie. November 1,3,5.....)
1. Complete 1 load of laundry
2. Wipe down the bathroom

Odd days of the month: (ie. November 2,4,6....)
1. Vacuum
2. Empty garbage cans

Every Monday:
1. Change the sheets

Every Saturday:
1. Dust
2. Wipe down Kitchen floors

*Except when deep cleaning is necessary.... I've got a plan in the works for this too!

Keeping It Together Part 2

I have a problem. I physically can NOT relax or think clearly if I'm in a messy environment. If the floor is hiding beneath piles of dog fur and the sink is bulging at the seams with dirty dishes, you really can't expect me to relax and enjoy my day with Lady. I can't get the bills paid or the family brain filled out unless the house is in order.

I've tried different approaches to keeping the day family household ship shape all the time and here's the list of things that didn't work and why:
1. A cleaning day (because it must be done more often then once a week and I hate missing out on an entire day of events just so I can catch up with my laundry)
2. A chore list for HIM and HER (they never work for reason's that don't need explaining :))
3. Trying to do it all every day (I was missing out on valuable time with Lady because I couldn't always squeeze it in between her naps)
4.5.6.... (all the other ways that never work because by the time I get done cleaning, I have no energy left to do the stuff I NEED to do!)

SO I HAVE DEVISED A PLAN and so far it has been working out nicely. We are still in the trial period but it has been over a month now and I've found the success rate to be high and the stress rate to be low..... It's a way to avoid wasting an entire day or week away to cleaning your house. If done properly it should not require more than 24 minutes of you day, that's shorter than an episode of the Brady Bunch! That is only 1.7% of the total minutes you have in a 24 hour period. That means you get 98.3% of your time spent on more important stuff and you're happy because your house is in order!..... Stay tuned:)

Don't forget to be FLEXIBLE!

My dear sister-in-law who last name conveniently rhymes with the word "Leisure," reminded me that when "KIT"ing we must not forget the silent "F" in the middle ='s KIFT! Flexible! There is no point to Keeping It Together if we break at the first sign of change in the plan. Please take note that the word Flexible is an adjective.... Now, think way back to the elementary years of education and what does an adjective do? It describes something. It describes what you must be in order to KIT successfully. Keep It Flexibly Together :)

Flex⋅i⋅ble

  [flek-suh-buhl]–adjective

1.	capable of being bent, usually without breaking; easily bent:a flexible ruler.

2.	susceptible of modification or adaptation; adaptable: a flexible schedule.

"Keeping it together" part 1

I'm still a little busy as I am gathering my ideas and techniques that work for me on how to "KIT," Keep It Together on a day to day basis. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE organizing and planning. If you know me well, you know about my little "brain." Otherwise knows as the color coded day planner that goes everywhere with me. Recently, Kday has been struggling to KIT himself and has been awfully forgetful. So, my remedy is this.....

The new and improved "Family Brain." We TRY to sit down each Sunday and scan ahead the next few weeks over our individual "brains." Mine is usually a little more full of actual appointments and items to complete, while his is full of cute sketches and blank space where he forgot to write appointments in :) (this is why kday and I work so well together) But we piece together what our week is going to look like and post it on the side of the refrigerator for quick reference. It's been working nicely.

I prefer a weekly calendar vs a monthly because I need a lot of writing space. But it's absolutely personal preference and here is where I purchased this.

NICE WEATHER

I know I've been promising a few "exciting" posts to come (really... not very exciting!) but todays weather is a delicious fall warmth so Im going to take advantage. I'm going to take this guy for a hike and enjoy the fresh air.

Little Lady is coming too in her baby bjor*n because a little vitamin D is good for all of us. We're shutting the computer until the sun goes down today! Why don't you do the same? :)

2.5 miles

Finally, I willed by ever-growing back side out of bed this am at six, and went for a short run. I'm so out of shape! But I'm back in the swing of things and ready to continue my new routine. Post coming soon on my new family organization calendar and "to do" lists! So exciting isn't it?

17 weeks

Layla was born 17 weeks ago today. Unbelievable how far we've all come.

The day before we finally got to bring her home from the hospital

Just a few days old.... She looks so much like her birth mom then

How can such a big change happen in just 17 weeks? The Lords work.
What a lovely sight. I love to daydream back to the very first days that I was her mother and I didn't even realize it. California is all such a blur, yet when I'm driving lately it always seems to replay in my mind. I try to process the overwhelming events that occurred and the beginning moments of motherhood. I think it's sort of like the equivalent of someone reminiscing about their labor and delivery. It was different for me, but just as beautiful and miraculous. I try not to forget any details, even the smallest ones. Like the smell of the hospital and the feeling I had when the nurse placed the wrist band on mine and Kday's hands like they would on any other parents. I remember every parking spot that we used when driving to and from the hospital every 3 hours to feed Lady. I remember how small I felt when I walked into the hospital for the very first time to meet with Layla's birthmother and how the nurses looked at us and whispered hushed word that made me feel like we didn't belong there. The exact moment I first saw my daughter and wondering how to hold back my emotions because I was so sad for Layla's birth family yet I was so full of pure joy. The memories are still there, I don't ever want to forget them. I guess that's why I replay every moment I can again in my mind, because Layla is my life now. I can't help but to remember the day my life started. 17 weeks ago.
7.06.09

AFTERMATH

Busy cleaning the aftermath destruction that our Halloween Extravaganza took on my poor home. I literally can't see the floor or couches in my front room and the piles of dog fur are a-float in the air. The house smells like.... something sour and Layla is in dire need of a nap in her very own quiet room and cozy crib. So, while she's down for a nap... I've got to get busy scrubbing and organizing and planning a Family Home Evening activity. Mean while... have I told you lately how much I am in LOVE with my little baby! She is the most wonderful thing in our lives. We spent this morning laying in the mess on the couch, in our pj's, and just giggling and talking to each other. She is breath of my soul.

p.s pics of the HE 2009 to follow soon.... once the mess is picked up :)