INNER CHILD

It goes without repeated mentioning the I am often the beneficiary of the lessons Becky and I plan for Hope Group. It also goes without saying that sometimes we focus on some pretty heavy stuff. Last Monday we instructed the group members to draw a picture of themselves as a child while holding the marker in their non-dominant hand. I decided to participate, intrigued by what my left hand might create.
Wowza, it was a doozy.

I was taken by the abundance of emotion that came out in my drawing. I'll spare you the dejected details of the photo but I chose to share the letter I wrote to my young inner child:

We all carry a lot of beliefs from our past. Some beliefs can weigh as heavy burdens and I instantly thought of my Buca baby. Life can be hard and I don't ever want her to feel the loneliness I was reflecting back on. More than anything I want her sweet spirit to feel understood, important, and her individuality celebrated. So I did what any other mother would do.... we ate cookies. Just me and the Buca and some seriously delicious sugar cookies from Cutler's.
Our little date was sublime. Just the two of us without any to do lists, phone calls, or a care for the calorie intake that was adding up quickly. We just ate cookies and drank in the experience. My cup runneth over.

Someone once said how do you spell LOVE?
T-I-M-E
I have set a very deliberate intention to make certain that Layla feels my love for her. She is all deserving of happy childhood memories. It's time to nurture both our inner children.
On the way out to the car after our delectible dessert, Buca gently patted my face and made the sweetest eye contact with me, as if to say... "thank you for taking time to enjoy me momma." I think my inner child said, "dito."

MY MR

Go HERE to see a local post on my one and only favorite Mr in the world. He's quite the stud.
And P.S please ignore the country music on the video, no our doing :)

Tomorrow a superb post if I do say so myself. And for the weekend, a trippity trip trip to St. G.
Peace Out.

DEAR...

Dear Mrs Weather Girl who wore an awfully hideous shirt for the 11pm local news weather forecast last night,
You couldn't have been MORE wrong in your forecasting. Now, I do understand that predicting the weather is somewhat of a risky business. However, it is understandable only if you are off by a few degrees or if partly cloudy turns to mostly cloudy. It is pretty much unacceptable when you get my hopes of being able to sleep through my 5:40 am alarm because there will be crazy amounts of snow on the ground, thus allowing me to skip out on my much needed 9 mile run today. You're messing with peoples lives you know. I stayed up a little extra late because I was certain that this so called snow storm would hamper my early rise appointment. So at 5:41 am I looked out the window and hopes of staying in my nice warm bed and wrapping my best scissor kick around Kday's warm body, and instead I saw dry roads and a looming 9 mile run ahead of me. Yes I know, I needed and deep down wanted to go on my run. But next time instead of spending so much time picking out a shirt with all kinds of crafty crap draped all over it, spend a little more time checking the radar for an accurate forecast.
I will have you know that despite my crappy attitude this morning as I put on my running shoes,  Becky and I eventually rocked out our 9 mile run HERE. And it felt great. Kashi came along to and ended up with a very messy undercarriage that resulted in a bath in the tub when he arrived back home. And now I must go clean the tub. See weather lady, you've messed up my entire day. Thanks a heap. 
Sincerely,
s.day

The REAL thanks goes to Becky for meeting me so early and for keeping me peppy on our almost 2 hour run. She's simply awesome!

REGISTERED RADICAL-NESS

Buca - Mr. Vannigain - Mr. Finnagain
Cousins

3:45 pm on Thursdays roll around and offer up a favorable circumstance in which I am converted into a mother of 3. The Silver Boys arrive with smiles that fill a room and equal levels of energy reserve to launch a tiny rocket-ship to the moon. Among the ten gazillion questions Mr. Finnagain asks me about Kashi, thrives a curiosity to which I have not enough energy or know how to answer. So instead, we create adventures.

Today the rain outside resulted in the conceptual notion of a fort. I devised a master plan for a pulley system using blankets and the drapery cords. It worked beautifully and resulted in an abode in which all participants wanted to reside whilst watching a movie and devouring buttery popcorn.

Can you figure out what movie we viewed?

Rain turned to sun, which turned our Thursday festivities into an outdoor amusement park of sorts. Swinging on the hammock, soccer with Kashi, towing the sled around on the grass, and razor scooter races down the walkway. These are the undertakings of a woman's attempt to entertain 3 busy bodied beings. And thus the wake of the aftermath....
Honestly, could she BE any more W.T?

I have neither the time or energy to re-dress her after sitting in a puddle of water. She's been working on that apple for 4 hours.

Kitchen Table 

Don't hate us because we consider diapers and shoes a complete outfit.
Accessorized with a rotten apple. 

I don't quite have the skills necessary for a long term debut as a mother of 3... but someday those skills will be honed. One additional baby at a time. For now, I will indulge in my invigorating Thursdays with The Silver Boys. Because "practice makes perfect" and we are all aware of my unsavory fetish with perfection.

104:1:21

People. We only have one hundred and four days to plan Buca's 2nd birthday party extravaganza. If you don't remember last year, please mosey on over here and here to see the celebration of her first year of life. (and ignore the fact that I was a lot skinnier and cuter last year)
I'm a little over the top, I'm fully aware of that. But really, who wouldn't celebrate in the same form and fashion when it took such a miracle to get this little lady to our family. And even so, who doesn't love a fabulous party? So without further ado... here's a little teaser.

this photo was borrowed from One Charming Party website.

EWOKS AND TOE NAILS

You remember Ewoks? Well, I have one of my very own.

No, I will not share it.

And I guess I'm an official runner now cuz my toenail fell off last weekend. 

Double gross. 

I can't even look at it without getting the shiver me timbers up my spine.

 It's super cool though because I hear that only happens to people that run a lot. 

Saturday Becky and I braved the storm and hit up the road for about 6 miles.

And yesterday we paced through another 5.5.
And tomorrow, 7 miles.

Ew gross.... I just remembered I'm missing a toe nail.

See you tomorrow

OH PUT YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES ON AND GET OVER IT

I hate to admit it. I'd like to pull the blanket over my head and live in la-la land for a few more years.... but I have a big girl on my hands. Calling Buca a baby anymore is a conspicuous lie. I have a love - hate relationship with her age. She grows sweeter daily, as do the terrible two tantrums. She is my little shadow and I can hardly get enough of her chattering little voice... until it turns to screeching anyway.
But alas, a big girl needs big girl hair. And a lot of hair she has... so I'll embrace the new stage we're entering and realize that by embracing her at this very moment will only allow me to savor the taste of it's wonderfulness a little longer. That way there are no regrets. 

I'm diggin the zig-zag part right now. Especially because she makes the funniest little scrunchy face when I tickle her head with the comb. 

BUCA BIRDS AND A GOOD CAUSE

If you haven't noticed by now then you haven't been paying attention... Buca has a bit of a "logo" to her name if you will. I have a somewhat of a love affair with silhouettes of pigeons. It's my brother, Art Vandelay's fault. He started a  Pigeon Club in college and since all things that older brothers do are cool, I latched on to the trend. I love it, I think he hates that I'm such a copy cat. Whatever.
So since day one, Buca's short sign symbol has been the little bird... you know, the one at the top of all my posts and plastered all over this blog. Don't you freaking love it?
When I saw this little ditty on babysteals last week I just had to have a set.

Wouldn't you know it, I placed my order on Tuesday afternoon and by golly the thing showed up on my door the very next morning! Now that's the kind of service an impatient woman like me expects! Yesss!
These birds are "made through a program called PEACE, a grassroots cooperative of women from semi-rural, economically disadvantaged areas in Mexico." They are made of mostly recycled products and the income is used to help "lift families from a life of poverty and gives them the hope and freedom to fly."
For more info click PEACE.
Layla and I are loving ours hanging just above her polka dot chair in her reading corner... now go get yourself some PEACE

ALL IS WELL THAT ENDS WELL

So about yesterday. All was well, then the phone calls started streaming in.

A mystery call from my mom about a subject that will be discussed in the future. (chill out... it's worth the wait. and no, I'm not pregnant.)

A few calls related to my Church Calling regarding ward needs, sisters in need of help and comfort, and scheduling conflicts.

The call that Kevin's dad was OK and recovering in Post Op after his surgery.

And the news that G$ (kday's 92 year old grandma) temporarily bit the dust at The S1zzler - only to regain all consciousness and life and is resting well at home now. A matter of divine inspiration I believe. She's the baddest 4'9" old lady with one arm that I know. She still rocks the independent life at home and invites us all over for dinner once a month. This lady is sharp, her hearing not so much, but her personality comes with a little spice and well... I like it!

So cute. Gotta love that little G$

Poor Rita is standing in the recovery room one minute and then in wheels her mom into the ER the next.  All hands on deck for support and I lucked out with the chance to babysit three little darlings.

It was a chance for me to test out motherhood of 4 kids. Of coarse it was super easy considering the kids were angels and I was working with my sister in laws stocked fridge, immaculate house and good enough weather to walk to the park. I think for now 1 toddler is plenty to keep my hands full. And I'll stick to babysitting.... for a while at least.

So I guess all is well that ends well. Tomorrow 4:15 wake up time to get to work again and then a quick trip for the monthly shopping at Costc0 and The Wally World. And then finally a little bit of much needed sleep.
Keep Kday's family in your prayers would ya?

AHHH GEEZ!

Life went from perfectly clean, organized, and calm at 3:59 pm today, to chaotic, frantic, overwhelming, and a little exciting. (don't worry, for the most part everyone is fine- I'm the usual freak show that I always am, but what else is new?)

Funny how that can happen in a matter of 60 seconds. More deets to follow. It's 2:58 am and I'm nowhere near getting to sleep yet. Yikeseee.

As for the title? Buca's awesome cousins taught her to mimic her Uncle K's famous quote "Ahh Geez." It's all she said today. Super rad.

YADA YADA YADA

So I was weaseled into picking up a few extra days at work this week... yada yada yada... now it's been since Friday since I've delighted you with my musings. Something about getting up at 4:15 am everyday to get ready, just has me in a state of speechlessness. I am too tired to write and too buried in dishes and dust bunnies to think straight and too annoyed at how slow my running is. Im getting a new computer in a few days and yada yada yada, I think my joy of writing will return. So for now, enjoy this and I'll be sure to return with some kind of fantastico greatness for you.

DEAR...

Dear Mirror at Zumba class,
Could you please offer a better reflection of my flabby triceps and bulging middle section next week? I would really appreciate it if I wasn't so disgusted when I look at you. I know "at least your working out and attempting the impossible of mixing incoordination and a flat rear with Zumba, blah blah blah..." But couldn't you show at least one little part of me that doesn't make me want to throw something at you?
Sincerely,
Sday


Oh ya and...
Dear Box of Layla's Fruit snacks,
Apparently you are the closest thing in my entire house that sounds like a treat to my body. I want to eat you, all of you. Everyday I go to your  cupboard and I must exert maximum control over myself in order to not eat at least 3 packets of you at a time. Seriously. You suck. Because of you Layla will no longer get to have fruit snacks... because I have no self control around you. Hmm, now I suck.
Sincerely,
Sday


Dear Diet Coke,
I love you. Nuff said.
Sincerely,
Sday

And lastly-
Dear Computer,
I love you, we've stayed up many a late night together. We've stumbled upon each other on even the earliest of mornings, like today. You've let the pitter pat of my fingers tap away at your keys as I spill my guts on this blog everyday. Thank you for always being there for me. I know you're on your last leg. I know you require being plugged in at all times and that even your battery connection is having problems these days. I know that sometimes you get stuck on the letter L. But please hold on for a little longer... until I can find a computer that is willing to make the sacrifices you've made over the years. You know, like letting Layla sit on you, pound on you, and kiss the screen. I will love you forever if you will just stick around for another few weeks.
Sincerely,
Sday

RANDOM - QUATRO

It's 4:44 am

I'm getting ready for work

On Monday I started running again.

We ran 4 miles

My legs felt like sludge but Wednesdays 4 mile run- they felt a little better

I can only hope that we'll have time to prep for 

the upcoming race.

A recap is long overdue for last weekends trip

It was ridiculously rad

Great weather, a sunburn even!

Kday's race was free of technicals and Layla was a gem all weekend long

And guess who showed up to cheer Kday?

It's now 5:04 am and I'm late for work

See you tomorrow.

And speaking of randomness... meet Gem
She lives in our backyard
She stinks

RELEASED

A "hope" stone written in Braille. A super sweet gift from a super sweet friend.

Strap your boots on... this might be a long post.

For the readers who have no idea what I'm talking about when I mention Hope Group, here's a little Websters for ya. Becky, my friend and business owner of the worlds greatest counseling center (in my humble opinion) asked me to co-host a psych-educational group for women who have depression and/or anxiety. We started this support group almost a year ago and it has been an exceptional experience for me to share my skills in managing depression with other women. However, I often find myself gaining just as much insight from the group - as I intended to share. Here's an experience where I'm pretty sure I learned a lot more than I bargained for. 

A few weeks ago Becky and I set up a special plan for the ladies in our Monday night group to release some balloons. This was on our last night of meeting together after many wonderful months of sharing and growing. We encouraged each woman to write things on her balloon that she was wanting to let go of. It could be a belief, or a negative relationship or a burden... it could really be anything that they were wanting to let go of in order to move foreword in their journey of healing and finding joy in life. Becky and I decided to participate as well and before I knew it, my balloon was covered in writing. Stuff I didn't even realize I had been carrying around with me. One of which was "to let go of the need to please Layla's birth mom - and to let her go from my life." I'm sure you remember this post....

So we walked outside and one by one each woman released her balloon into the night sky and we stood in the cold parking lot watching our balloons race away from our hands and into their own journey. I remember feeling amazed at how anxiously my balloon left me and excitedly it swirled up into the sky more quickly than any other balloons. I think I even cried a little. (what else is new?)

That night I followed up Hope Group with a little Yin-Yang yoga. My intention for my yoga practice that night was to focus on the release of Layla's birth mom from  my daily worry and wonder. During the final meditation of the night I closed my eyes and the vision that came to me was one of a butterfly fluttering away from me. It was a beautiful and very peaceful, joy filled feeling. I exhaled all the worry and tension from my body as I let her go to a new place in my life.  

That was a few weeks ago, about the same time that we wrote our very last update letters to Layla's birth mom.  Yesterday, Kevin and I received the most beautiful letters from her. She is well, I can tell from her writing that she is growing and maturing into a divine woman with a testimony of the gospel. She also must have received the message I sent out into the universe :) She practically asked me to let go of her and allow myself to Layla's mom- no strings attached. In this very private and personal letter she was able to help me realize that I'm the one holding on... not her. I'm the one who needs to accept my solitary role as a mom.  As Layla's mom. I've been holding onto the past, a little afraid of letting it go. But now I have. Her letter has given me the freedom to fly away from her and enjoy the journey with Layla. It was the most beautiful letter. I love her so much. 

Dear Layla's Angel:

Thank you for being a stronger person than I am. Thank you for not only giving me the most beautiful and miraculous baby in the world... but for giving me the love I need to move foreword. You truly are and angel. 

Sincerely,

SDAY

IN 3.5 HOURS FROM NOW...

Tomorrow  

Today is madness. 

4:30 am: Wake up 

5:45 am:  Off to work

12:30 pm: Clock Out

1 pm: Lunch and  discussion with a friend and her mom who's a fertility RN

3 pm: Fold 5 loads of laundry (I'm a little behind on my KIT daily do's)

3:45 pm: Babysit the cutest nephews in the world

6pm: Babysitting done and dinner started

7:00 pm: Off to Zumba

9 pm: Pack for skiing and St George trip

11pm: Make these cookies for a friend with breast cancer (her)

And in between all that I need to clean the car inside and out 

(I can't stand road trips in a dirty car)

Clean the house

Pick up cookie decorating stuff from Rita

And pack the car for skiing on Friday and the long awaited weekend trip to Mormon Miami

(don't fret... the Russian Spy across the street from us will be keeping a close eye on our humble abode) 

So....

See you fantastic folks next week.

GOOD RIDDANCE!

If you could only see the gesture I'd like to make to the month of February. If you're a fan of "Friends" you'll know what I'm talking about. It's the signal when Ross pounds his fists together as a opposed to the middle finger gesture... it's awesome.

February felt a lot like this

March has already brought about a 180 degree turn in events. The sun is out, skies are blue, Layla is still screaming every time she doesn't get her way (we're working on that) but taxes are done and all is well. Sigh of relief and renewal. Life is on the move again and I am running right along with it now. Yay me.