2010

I TOLD MYSELF THAT 2009 WAS GOING TO BE OUR LUCKY YEAR. AND IT WAS.

2010 IS GOING TO BE OUR YEAR OF TOTAL PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH.

SCARY IS SOMETIMES WORTH IT

horascope

Tomorrow I'm doing something hard. I'm scared (especially because I just read my horoscope and it's not good). But if there is anything I've learned in 2009, it's that facing scary situations is worth the strength that is gained afterward. I've also learned that I have a much greater capacity to love than I ever knew. Tomorrow is not about my fears, it's about my love for my daughter.

Amidst my cleaning frenzy and attempts to calm my nerves I realized that fear is not something God places in our hearts. God is the Prince of Peace and it is the advisary who controls us by instilling fear in us.

So as I wrap up 2009 with an event that is sort of symbolic of the entire journey we've been on this year, I pray that it will bring peace instead of fear. It's now or never though and I made the decision to do it...

It will be great, maybe scary, but exciting and hopefully worth doing something hard.

And Kday will be by my side holding my hand the whole time.

CHECKING OUT THE SLOPES

Since we are no longer a (dink) dual income family with no kids, I'm afraid our season pass winter ski days are over. Until Kday strikes it rich with some huge creative idea.... no pressure:)

So Kday and my dad scoped out the slopes in a different fashion last weekend. They hopped into my dad's little aerobatic aircraft, also known as the "vomit comit." And they buzzed our favorite ski destination, Snowbasin. (if you'd like to see video, go HERE)

Layla put her ski hat on anyways, just to practice for next year!

We're busy during our little winter break from work while Kday has had a few day off work. Visits with old and new friends from out of town, in for the holidays is taking up our time this week. Excited for New Years Eve, but don't fret... a post about "SECRET SUPPER" is soon to follow!

OUR FIRST FAMILY CHRISTMAS... PERFECTION

We watched Lady sleep peacefully and counted our blessings this year. We imagined this moment for 8 years.

Kday spent some time with his baby girl... loving every ounce of her sweetness.

We topped the advent tree with the Angel.

Our families gathered.

We remembered Christ's birth.

What does every girl want for Christmas? A pony. The big girls got big pony's...

Layla got a pony just her size.

He couldn't be happier.I couldn't be happier.
She couldn't be happier.

The Lord has blessed us more than we deserve this Christmas.

We didn't care if the tree was bare above a naked floor.

Our gift didn't come in a box wrapped with shiny paper and topped with ribbon.

She came from an angel of God and was placed in our arms on July 6th.

There is no better gift.

The life of Layla.

Enjoy every moment with your family. Merry Christmas.

HAVE A HAPPY CHRISTMAS...

giggling from Kevin Day on Vimeo.

LOOKING IN THE REAR-VIEW MIRROR

Holidays were hard when Kday and I were childless. We watched other families carry out traditions, help their kids write letters to Santa, and act out the manger scene on Christmas Eve. We wanted so badly to share our love with a baby. Two years ago we announced to our families our decision to adopt. I made this movie to try to help them understand our struggles and heartache.

adoption announcement from Kevin Day on Vimeo.

Every single day that I walk into Layla's nursery and I am welcomed by her sparkling eyes and big smile, I am reminded of how lucky Kday and I are this Christmas. Every time I'm driving and I look into the rear-view mirror and see Layla, it throws me into a scrambling pile of thoughts. The car is where I cry. For joy and complete, utter happiness usually. Sometimes I spend my drive trying to remember every detail of California. Other times it's spent humbly sifting over memories of our few moments with Layla's birth mother. Once and I while I'll even catch myself drudging up the pain of fertility treatments and years of failure. But mostly I just cry because I can't believe the greatness of the very moment that I'm living.

Today, the moment was singing Christmas carols to Layla while she smiled back at me through the rear-view mirror. I have driven that road ten thousand times on the way to my Dr.'s office, wishing that the news would be good for once. And there I was today, finally sharing my love for the season of Christ's birth, with my amazing gift from Him. My heart is literally so full sometimes that the only way for me to ease it from bursting with love, is to cry in thanks to my Heavenly Father. And then to spend a few quiet moments gazing into my daughters eyes and thanking her birth parents for loving Layla enough to sacrifice their own life, for their baby.

Adoption is common. But to stand back and look at it.... what a BIG deal it is. It is an A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. experience that is beyond an explanation with words. There are no words that can describe the moments I share with Layla.

I am grateful for my past, the fight I had to get to where I am today. The view behind me is as great as the view ahead. Kday and I will no longer worry about another childless Christmas passing by. The future fight for more children to join our family is unsure, and not something we're focused on yet. We are here now, and it's just the beginning of the greatness we've been waiting for.

They said I would... and I do!

Letter to my dearest Little Lady:

You will be 5 1/2 months old in a few days. Everyone told me that your dad and I would love it when you hit 4-12 months. Everyone was right. We have loved every second we've had with you and we are definitely loving this age with you! You are so much fun and growing like a weed.

Here's my favorite things about you right now:

I love how your arms and legs go crazy when you get excited

You are laughing all the time now, and not just when we tickle you. Sometimes just when we smile at you.

You love to stand up all the time on our lap.

You wake us up every morning with the sweet sound of your voice chatting away at your butterfly mobile

I love taking naps with you on my tummy

You laugh at the dog. Then he licks your face and you cry.

Your eyes literally sparkle when you smile

There is so much more. You are so much fun and I hate putting you down for a nap because I actually miss you while you sleep. Please stay just the way you are because it's perfect!

Love,

Momma

PROUD.... I GUESS?

So I tried REALLY hard the last two days to not clean. Kday was nice enough to get up early yesterday and do the dishes for me. He knew it was my achilles heel and that if I sat around long enough I'd give in. So with at least the dishes done I made it through two and a half days of not cleaning. It was hard. But it was nice. I really enjoyed laying on the floor under the christmas tree with Lady and reading books. We re-organized the blankets in her room (that is not cleaning! and she helped) so now the blankets we use daily are more accessible. We took naps on the couch together and read lots of books. *DON'T GET ME WRONG... I'VE ALWAYS DONE ALL THESE THINGS WITH LAYLA BEFORE. I JUST SQUOZE IN A LOT OF stress filled CLEANING DURING HER NAPS. Now during her naps I spent time reading books about starting her on solid foods and what to expect developmentally over the next few months of her growth spurts.

So I guess I am proud that this is what my house looked like at 3:30 pm today. Keep in mind that you aren't seeing the endless loads of laundry in our closets and the dog fur floating around on the floor, or the cat's dirty footprints on top of the washer by his food dish. And also the splattered spaghetti sauce inside the microwave.... I haven't been keeping tally have I?

I can't take it anymore though. Layla is asleep and I've got to get it cleaned up so that tomorrow we can have a stress free day. The agenda: visiting with Grammy and Nana, both of which returned from vacationing out of the country recently, playing dress up, and going for a walk with the joey wrap. Which by the way I still need to post about. Don't let me forget!

ANALYTICS

I love love love checking my Google Analytics. I am always interested to see which posts attract more readers, but I'm never surprised that the Layla is the hot topic. Even more surprising than the numbers of readers is the places the readers come from. People are tuning in from across the U.S and I love seeing the exact cities and states that you're from and how often you check the blog. It's a huge self esteem booster to know that sometimes as many as 93 viewers a day are interested in the happenings of sday. Thanks to my swiss miss SIL in Switzerland who makes me look international :) I once had a viewer from Yemen! My goal is to beat Kday to having at least 1 reader from every state in the U.S.A. So if you know anyone in another state who isn't reading yet.... share my URL with them cuz I love a little competition ;) AND MOST OF ALL --- THANK YOU FOR READING.... yes you.

REPORT CARD

I have made a decision. It's going to be a hard one. It will involve changing my M.O.

REALLY- REALLY changing it.

Learning to be happy with a B+ in more areas of my life.

Choosing only the most important things to strive for an A+. Like motherhood, friendships, spouse, spirituality.

I will have to lower my standards in a LOT of areas.

But it will allow me to focus on what is important. I want to exceed the standard in the places that matter.

To start:

I'm not going to pick up the house tonight before I go to bed. Instead, I'm going to go rock my baby girl and tell her "her story."

Tomorrow: I'm not going to clean the house until after Layla has gone to sleep. I'm having anxiety just thinking about it. Sweaty palms, increased heart rate....

"C'mon Sday hold it together! A B+ is not the end of the world.... just remember a B+ in housekeeping means more time to focus your efforts on an A+ in mothering!"

I can do this.... I think.

World through our Window

One of the selling points of our tiny house was the original 1945's gigantic bay window in the front room. Yes, it's drafty and spiders love to spin their webs between the storm windows, but I fell in love. After spending our first 4 years of marriage in a dark basement apartment, (which we now refer to as the "pit of despair") I needed to see the world again. I remember the first time I looked out this great window and saw a car drive by, and school kids walking, and the clouds in the sky, I felt like a part of the world again. I've taken a lot of naps in front of that window, I've seen a lot of neighbors providing service, I've dreamt of my children while gazing through it with the sun warming my face.

Now, Layla has discovered the world through the window. She love, love, loves to watch all the action and gaze at the Christmas tree. I point and tell her about the things she's seeing and try to teach her about the beauty that the Lord has created in the Earth. Her smile tells me how much she loves it. The butterflies in my heart tell me how much I love her.

A B-DAY FOR THE K-DAY

Yesterday Kday turned the big 30. I wanted to make it a big deal, surprise party, food, fun, friends, and over the hill madness... but budget and time was a problem. I made him his favorite breakfast in bed and then I tried to make up for the lack of a big gift and spent 4.5 hours making a "Smith Island Cake" from scratch.

As you can see, it doesn't exactly look like the picture in the cookbook.

It tasted, OK. Definitely not 4.5 hours worth of taste.

We had family over and it was madness trying to squeeze everyone into our tiny house but it kept us warm.

(completely embarrassed that my tree isn't lit and decorated yet.... I'll be working on that project until the wee hours of the morning tonight.)

Kday loved the gift Lady made him. We both agreed that there is no better gift for our birthdays and Christmas this year than Little Lady Layla.

He finished the evening rocking his sweet little baby to sleep... and staying with her until I woke him up a few hours later.

CHECK US OUT

Check me out at Kdayracing.com! I have been featured in my very own section called "Musings From the Feed Zone."

If you'd like more info on the purpose of KDAY RACING see this page.

CRAZY AUNT SHANNON

Sunday dinners with the Day family are always exciting. Kids all over the place, noise, chaos, delicious food (except when Grandma drags us to Golden Corr*l). I quite enjoy it. My two darling nieces love to play house, school, bank, store, mom, and doctor. Last sunday I was asked to lay down and be sick so they could fix me. I obliged and this is how they cured my cough, runny nose, and broken arm..... I think it goes as a great example of Obama*s new healthcare plan :) I almost suffocated to death. Good thing Kday's sister intervened for a quick photo...

As you can see.... I gave my nieces a taste of their own medicine, once I escaped the wrath of scotch tape :)

SANTA'S ELF

This is a letter to the person who mysteriously left a surprise on our porch on Saturday.

To whom it may concern:

I wish to thank you very much for the wonderful home-made cinnamon bread that you so kindly wrapped up and left on our porch. After returning home from our first Christmas tree shopping with our new daughter, we discovered your loving act of kindness and it brought joy into our hearts. Your services was noticed and greatly appreciated. It made a great day even better. Please accept our most humble thank you.

Sincerely,

The Day's

Kevin, Shannon, Layla, Kashi, and Zipper

THE REASON FOR THE SEASON

Yesterday was spectacular. Everything this holiday season feels so much more amazing now that we can share it with Layla. The meaning of the traditions, gifts, and joy behind Christmas is so much deeper as our family has changed. It seems like my focus's have shifted from myself and the reasons why I enjoy the holidays, to how I can share the beauty the holidays with Layla. As Kday and I share experiences with Layla, it's as if we are experiencing it for the first time. It all seems new again. I love the newness of parenthood during the holidays.

Yesterday, Kday spent the morning introducing Lady to her first big snow storm. We bundled up and headed to the store for some very special Christmas shopping for Layla's birth families. Then we arrived at the Robinsons Tree Farm in Kaysville and picked out the perfect tree. Lady slept though most of it but smiled when she saw the tree strapped to the top of the G.T.A (grand theft auto... our new nickname for the accord after it got stolen.)

A WOMAN OBSESSED

So I have an obsession with a few things. Not many things, none really important. Nonetheless, I am a woman obsessed with:

* the way my laundry is folded (sorry Kday as I do love your help... but end up re-folding it)

* having an organized refrigerator

* MP3 Panda (the cheapest legal music downloads on the planet!)

* my newest niece Taylar.... seriously can't get enough of her!

* color coding my "brain" (yellow-work, pink-activity, blue-appointment, red-bills, green- birthdays & holidays, purple-exercise time)

* the route I take through the store when grocery shopping... same every time

* eating one group of food on my plate at a time, no sampling bites of turkey then potatoes then back to turkey. All the turkey, all the potatoes, all the carrots

* friends dvd's I watch at least one episode per day

What are you obsessed with?

WHO'S YOUR MOMMA?

This is just a little piece of adoption etiquette.

My newest pet peeve is when people say to me, "Oh what color are Layla's moms eyes?" Or, "What does Layla's mom look like?" My conundrum? Do I politely answer there real question being asked which is about Layla's birth mother? Or do I take the opportunity to educate them on the appropriate way of asking about Layla's biological genetics and risk embarrassing them at the same time? Sometimes I chose to respond with, "Well, I have green eyes and I'm 5'4" but Layla's birth mother had brown eyes and is 5'6"." I really don't mean to sound condescending or irritated in my responses, but I get frustrated every time. I know I shouldn't even complain because I'm so lucky to have such a beautiful daughter in my life, but I'd like to be an adoption advocate.

Post Script: My intentions are never to embarrass or create an awkward situation... just to help increase awareness. And there's no hard feelings ever involved :)

FIRST DECEMBER - DECEMBER FIRST

My dear Mother In-Law gifted this amazing Christmas advent to our family when Layla was born. I had been eying them as my SIL's all had one for their children.

Each day we'll open the numbered drawer to retrieve an ornament to decorate the tree. Today was tinsel. Counting down the days to the celebration of Christs birth was something that I've always loved to do.

I can't wait to share my love for the Holidays with Lady.

A MOTHER'S IDENTITY...

Sday... Growing into motherhood

As a "mother in waiting," I don't think I was ever prepared for the flood of emotions that have swept over me as I've begun this journey of discovery. I took such pride in reading all the "how to" books I could get my grubby hands on. I thought it would somehow prepare me for everything parenthood could throw my direction. I tried to memorize all the developmental milestones and prepare myself to meet the needs of every single whimper. My first few days of motherhood when we were still in California and Layla was still in the NICU, every moment I had with her is etched into my memory perfectly. But the first few months at home left a hazy blur across my mind as the overwhelming reality of motherhood settled into my daily life. All along I had assumed that because I had the innate desire to be a mother it would translate into my natural ability to great at it.

Instead, I realized that I wasn't as natural as I had expected. But with a lot of self reflection, prayers to my Heavenly Father and wonderful conversations with other new mothers, I'm letting go of the self criticism. I'm trying to stop judging myself and accept that it's just who I am. I'm not naturally an easy going "whatever" kind of mom. My natural tendency is to worry about everything being perfect, because I love Layla so much. However, over the last few months I've learned that I probably won't always recognize exactly what Layla needs and exactly when she needs it. That's not what makes me a good mom. What's important is my absolute ability to love Layla and grow into my own skills of motherhood. I'm taking joy in the smallest moments and learning that it's OK that I'll never be a worry-free mom. My awkward moments are becoming more infrequent. My mothering strengths are beginning to unfold from within myself instead of from inside a book. It's different then I expected, but better because it's real. Every day I get a little better and I'm discovering my mothering identity and learning to love what I find.