MANIC MONDAY'S

Every other Monday of my life brings total chaos and mania. I'm forced to ignore the disheveled remnants of my once cleaned  house left behind from the weekend's escapades... (trying with all my might to keep the Sabbath Day holy and refrain from cleaning!) 
I shove something, anything into the crock-pot so that we have some type of pitiful dinner to come home to around 9:00pm...
I head to the hospital and rush through the new caseload that piled up over the weekend...
I jet home using the toll road to speed things up a bit...
Relieve one awesome babysitter and thank her for picking up the house and doing the dishes for me.... (what would I do without Layla's Nana and Grammy!)
Prep for Hope Group... the psychoeducational group that I am privileged to teach
Shovel a bazillion toddler products into a diaper bag and trek Layla to her cousin's house to play for a few hours... (thanks to my totally hip SIL- Mrs. Silver)
Ahhh, breath and enjoy Hope Group...
Pick Lady up and swing by The Fix to see daddy...
And finally find a little Zen time on the yoga mat at Infusions...

Then slowly drive home on the back roads as not to rush daddy daughter time...
Give Kday a kiss and put my feet up while sipping my trusty D1iet C0ke....
And decide that dinner isn't worth tasting - a bowl of cereal will suffice...

Ahh... goodbye for two more weeks Manic Monday.

YOU WISH -

Don't you wish your brother was as cool as mine? 

This is my baby bro. 

He's the cutest dang thing... and smarty smart smart too.

We must find him a super cool chick. 

That's into crazy stuff like skydiving... and such.

When I was donating blood last week - the phlebotomist sucked and left a huge bruise in the crook of my arm. I told him the only thing that redeemed him was that he was almost as cute as my little brother. 

He didn't really laugh. 

Jordan's the handsomest skydive pilot  you'll ever find on either side of the Mississippi. And you should see him with Lady Layla. Doubly cute.

TEAM MUD FLAPS

WE RAN (well, I walked butt load) 

WE SLID

WE CLIMBED

WE SLOSHED

WE CRAWLED

WE TACKLED

WE SWAM

WE CONQUERED

Utah's first mud run 10K "Dirty Dash"

This was the dirtiest I've ever been... 

and also the most fun I've had in a LONG time!

MY PSYCHIC CONNECTION SPEAKS AGAIN.... Part 2 of A PEBBLE IN PERSPECTIVE

I have this dear friend you see. She is one of those rare gem's that are pure in heart and is so close to the Lord. Two and a half years ago on Mother's Day I was holding her baby during Sacrament Meeting and she began to cry. Sobbing, she began to explain to me that she had been praying and fasting to ask the Lord to bless Kday and I with a baby. Humbling doesn't even begin to describe this experience. She told me, "It's coming, soon Sday. Soon you'll be a mother. I know it."
That scared the living day lights out of me. I allowed myself to find hope in her words. I just had to trust her. And if she was wrong... then my heart would just break - again. One year later, on Mother's Day, I was flying home from California after being told face to face by Layla's Angel that she chose us to be Layla's parents. My friend was right. "Soon" in the Lord's eyes was 1 year.

Well, here I am again. Starting to wonder, worry, fear, wish, hope, cry over the mystery of whether or not Layla will have a sibling. She doesn't need a sibling any time soon. Really. I actually think I won't be ready for another few years.  A few years in the world of infertility translates to NOW. Start treatments NOW, or lose more weight in hopes of it helping the process NOW, or spend endless hours NOW applying for adoption, get on the waiting list NOW in order to be chosen, save thousands of dollars NOW for treatments or fees...in a few years. Get my point?

So the hamster wheel of infertility has been spinning at mock speed for the past few weeks. Until I asked my friend what she thought. Once again, she delivered the Lord's message. "Prepare now, do your part to get healthy (in case of a completely miraculous pregnancy without treatments) as well as turn in your adoption papers. If you have done everything in your ability, then you don't have to watch the clock. You know Heavenly Father will send another child at the perfect time that only He knows."
Holy cow she's smart. Why should I sit here and waste years on Earth fretting over when and how to try to add to our family.... It will happen the way it is meant to. So be ready and then FIND JOY NOW. Enjoy Layla, Kday, our life and home and every gift the Lord has given us. Get off the hamster wheel and enjoy today.

A PEBBLE IN PERSPECTIVE

My inner thoughts about fertility and adoption have been circling around as if on a hamster cage that is ever spinning. I committed to Lady on 7.6.09 that I would would allow myself to release the worries of fertility vs adoption for an entire 365 days. Heavens knows we prayed long and hard for Layla and I wasn't about to waste our time together worrying about the possibility of another child ever joining our party. In retrospective I think I held up to my promise, which is a challenging feat considering fertility treatments were a daily priority for well over 1,095 days. 
Infertility has been a pebble in my shoe.
While attempting to manage Lady during the Relief Society lesson that one of the Stake Presidency members was offering, I was able to hear a tiny scrap of his wonderful message.  I heard this quote from a talk written before I even began high school, it struck my soul. It resonated with me enough that it felt like someone shoving a stick in the hamster wheel of thoughts and there it was... shut down. The worries stopped circling. The wheel stood still for the first time in countless years. 

"A pebble held close to the eye appears to be a gigantic 

obstacle. Cast on the ground, it is seen in perspective." 

This is from "Finding Joy in Life" by Elder Richard G. Scott: From THE CHURCH

Likewise, problems or trials in our lives need to be viewed in the perspective of scriptural doctrine. Otherwise they can easily overtake our vision, absorb our energy, and deprive us of the joy and beauty the Lord intends us to receive here on earth. Some people are like rocks thrown into a sea of problems. They are drowned by them. Be a cork. When submerged in a problem, fight to be free to bob up to serve again with happiness.

You are here on earth for a divine purpose. It is not to be endlessly entertained or to be constantly in full pursuit of pleasure. You are here to be tried, to prove yourself so that you can receive the additional blessings God has for you. 2 The tempering effect of patience is required. 3 Some blessings will be delivered here in this life; others will come beyond the veil. The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you. 4

...... More on this topic tomorrow.

HALLOWEEN TEASER 2010

Oh it's gonna be good. 

3x's worth of goodness. 

You'll see. 

Tomorrow my totally awesome MIL and I will be doing some re-con work to pick up all necessary supplies. 

We've got work to do.

BRICK

Why do they call it a "brick workout?" Maybe because my legs felt like I was hauling a ton of bricks on the run... after my ride. Rode as hard and fast as I could for 16 miles today. Hobbled off the bike and into my runner's and attempted a fast 2 miler. So good for my legs to feel that sludge like heaviness that comes during the race! Wow, I need to train that sensation more often.

Upcoming posts this week to look foreword to: (in no particular order)
Halloween teasers
My Psychic Connection Speaks Again
Small Triumphs
Pebbles in Perspective

Hope Group tonight. I'm teaching about the brain function and effects of medication vs nutrition and exercise on the depressed brain. I love it!

ONE YEAR LATER

Last night we had a super rad Mallow Roast in the back yard. Totally awesome people came and chowed down on the mallows and smore's. L-dub brought up the point of what a difference a year makes in the lives of motherhood. I was reminiscing of last Halloween season and how that was the pinnacle of Lady's colic and my anxiety. Those two concoctions don't make for a pleasant time. This year is much more relaxed, happy, and secure than last and the only thing I'm anxious about is how I'm anxiously looking foreword to my favorite season of year.

Last Sat I snuck into the zoo with Mrs. Silver. We had a grand time. And really... what a difference a year makes. What a miracle- the amount of growing and learning a baby tolerates in just one year. Wow.

On the train at the Zoo. Sept 2009

On the train at the Zoo. Sept 2010

Good thing I didn't happen to wear the same outfit... pheeeww, wardrobe crisis averted! 

Have a fabulous weekend.

MAMA MOMENTS ON THE FARM

Although the human poodle sufficed for a complete experience at the Fair. K.C and I continued on to see the sights and live the experience to the fullest. A trip to the "Little Hands on the Farm" was in order. Lady sported a darling little apron and mini bushel basket. Did I mention how darling it was?
She filled her bushel with feed for the cows, picked apples, planted a carrot seed and then reaped the benefits of planting a garden. Something yours truly neglected this year.
She fell in love with a pink tractor, collected an egg and headed off to the farmers market where she made a killing. She sold her apple, carrot and egg for $1. She marched her little self over to the farm store where she shopped around for a snack. Spent her dollar and made out like a bandit.

When I was buckling her back into the Chariot my eyes swelled with tears. I tasted their salty dips run down my cheeks and across my lips. These experiences are what I day dreamed of when waiting to become a mama. Last Friday was another Mama Moment. I felt as if I had a light brighter than any human eyes could see - bursting out of my chest and shining across the world. I was so filled with joy for the moment I was in. I wiped my tear and squeezed my little Lady buglet and steered the Chariot toward the Sea Lion Show where we continued to have the funnest State Fair experience ever.

MAMA MOMENT ON THE BEACH

How could I not be totally overwhelmed with massive amounts of happiness while sharing Layla's first beach moments.

THE END

I HATE IT. HATE IT. HATE IT. HATE IT.

I hate interval training on the bike. I really don't even like the bike all that much. I'm sure that's disappointing to kday, but it's the truth. Ironically though I'm putting a lot of time and energy into trying to get better at something I really don't love. It's a must do because I love the Tri's.

I put it off as long as possible this am. Kind of how I put off running a 10K yesterday until 8:30pm. Procrastination at it's best.

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ROUTE AND ELEVATION OF THE INTERVALS THIS MORNING.

So much goes through my mind during the hills.

Today I almost cried because I was so mad that I'm so slow.
I vocally grunted out loud when I realized the green garbage can I had pinned as my finish line was a false summit and there were three more garbage cans to ride past before reaching the top of the hill.
I wanted to get off my bike and throw it in the third green garbage can, followed by my bike shoes and just walk home.
(this was only during the first interval mind you... two more to follow. Yuck)
I whispered, "don't you want to do well in the Pumpkin Man? Or do you just want to suffer through it like every other race you've done."
Then I whispered, "Gosh, just stop whining and peddle"

I almost quit after two, but then I focused on the total disappointment I would carry with me all day if I followed my thoughts. I started a third, my ipod quit. Nice.
It's done. I did cry a little when I got home. I cried to Kday because I was so frustrated with my lack of speed and strength. And partially because I was mad that my stupid jersey kept sliding up and my fat was showing. I wasted half my strength on the ride pulling my shirt down every 2 seconds. Some day it will fit. And I can pour more energy into the interval than adjusting my clothing. Temper tantrums aside. It wasn't THAT bad once I made it back home.

LADY DRESS

This tickles my fancy. 

It's a must do project. 

Asap. 

And for the upcoming fall weather, it will be adorned with a light cardi. 

Now, the hunt for shoes.

WHAT A TREAT... AT THE FAIR

HUMAN POODLE:

Pardon the sideways video and random things I'm saying to Audrey.... I was trying to be nonchalant about staring at the monstrosity of fashion that I witnessed. 

I want this lady on my team and she's captain of teaching Layla about electrical socket safety. 

LETTER TO KDAY

Kday is in Jackson Hole WY after his big tandem win of the Logan to Jackson Road Race. He's out of cell range but said he'd check the email. Here is my letter to my favorite hubs.


Kev,
I wrote this letter in Helvetica Font because it's your favorite. And you're my favorite.
Thank you thank you thank you for the video you made for Layla. Lady's in bed but I'll show it to her tomorrow first thing in the am. I'm headed to bed now. We had a rough night last night. She woke up around midnight and wouldn't stop crying for about 2 hours. I tried a bottle, clean diaper, a bottle, rocking, a bottle, singing, bouncing, I even tried to sit her up in her highchair to eat solid foods to see if she was hungry. Finally after 2 hours of screaming and me taking A LOT of 10 second "timeout" breaks in the garage so that I didn't go crazy.... she fell asleep with me in our bed for a few minutes. Then I put her in her crib. We picked up our Bountiful Basket at 7 am sharp this am and then came back home and climbed into our bed again and slept until 10am. I didn't get my ride in. Or my run yesterday.... Stupid me.

I'm sorry I didn't come support you for this race. I always miss the good ones. Your dad couldn't stop talking on the phone to me about what a great race it was and how fun it would have been for me to go. You always do better without me there anyway I guess. 

Kashi had a few friends over tonight for a play date. MK's dogs came over and I sat out on the back porch talking to her and JS about homecoming dance and other girly stuff. I told them to make sure and date the guys that aren't in the center of the "it croud" and maybe they'd be lucky enough to find someone as AMAZING as you. They giggled when I talked about how you're the handsomest husband in the whole ward and how you have more style than anyone else. I also told them how you're the bestest dad ever invented. They think I'm crazy. I told them I was. Crazy in love with you.

We miss you. The zoo would have been more fun with you. The state fair would definitely have been more fun with you. Writing this email knowing that we can't talk on the phone makes me feel like I'm back in college and writing you emails. I remember wishing that you'd send me really long emails and just holding on to every word you typed and wishing they were longer. Oh, young love. 

Layla's sleep habits are getting so crappy. She just started crying again. I'm going to let her cry it out for a few minutes. She is getting so bad at crying between 10:30 and midnight for a bottle and I think she's eating plenty during the day. I think it's just a bad habit she'd picked up lately because our schedule has been out of whack. 

Anyway, I hope you get this tonight. I miss you like crazy. Like really crazy. Really really crazy. Our bed sucks without you. It's too quiet around here without your painfully loud rippers. Painfully stinky I might add. Ahh, she went back to sleep. 

Anyway, this email is rambling. Because that's what I do best. I love you tonzzzz and you know that's a lot because I used z's. 

Peace out home slice.

shan-dizzle

HUMAN POODLE

Did you know that I saw a human poodle at the fair?! And so so much more that I can't wait to delight you with!
However, we're off to the zoo today while Kday's sporting the tandem bike all the way to Jackson Hole WY. Then we'll be donning our swim suits one more time this summer for my family reunion tonight.
Stay tuned for video of the human poodle. She's a hottie.

HAPPENINGS

I spoiled myself by taking a week off work. It's been quite pleasantly unproductive thus far. A lot of puttering around the house and feeble attempts at cleaning and laundry.

Instead I've been showing Lady my not so awesome dance skills, playing house and dress up together, and all sorts of non important tasks. Pandora playing sweet tunes in the background - our soundtrack.

It's been super awesome. I've worn sweats most days too... and Lady might have even been seen wearing not much other than a diaper. Best week ever.

Tomorrow.
We use our "Happenings Book" coupons to hit up the State Fair. I'll make sure and pack my hand sanitizer.

EAT IT UP

Weekend at the Lake with the D-CREW (Kday's family) = seriously increased food consumption. I went with good intentions. I packed healthy snacks, make quinoa salad, took my running shoes, bike and wet suit. I promised myself that I wouldn't let this weekend push me farther away from my goal weight. I failed.
But I figured if I was going down... I was going down burning like a ring of fire! So I ate- and ate- and ate. I rode my bike 22 miles and had a pitiful attempt at an open water swim. And my running shoes stayed packed away in my suitcase.

Today is a new day. I swam laps and it surprisingly felt REALLY good. Squeezing my gut into the speedo was a sad reminder of how yummy the food was that I devoured this weekend. Most importantly though, I had fun. I took full advantage of lakeside naps with Lady as well as bedtime snuggles, morning monkeys jumping on the bed, playing footsies with Kday and more. Oh so much more. Greatness. This weekend was greatness.

And Kday performed his wicked sand art skills

My Earth Angel

Greatness I say...

DARK

5:55 am - Still dark outside

I went to bed around 1 am this morning, knowing well that I would have to be up at the crack of dawn. 

6:30am and it was still too dark to ride. 

Nice. 

5 more min of sleep.

Bummer that it's that time of year that the world feels sleepy still at 6:45 am. 

Anywho, I really wanted to start my vacation off with a snuggle on Kday.

But I guilted myself out of bed and onto the bike. 

I knew KC would be waiting at the corner. 

She always is.

It was cold.

We rode hard. 

2 intervals.

Not as hard as I should have... but hard enough to feel good when I got home.

Lady and Kady were waiting to greet with and start our weekend vacay.

No worries - it's a training vacation.

Open water swimming each morning.

A ride on Saturday and a run on Monday.

Plus A LOT of spooning with Kday and beach time with Lady.

Yes.

See you Tuesday.

SWIM SANDWICH

(This is exactly how tired I feel today)

8.1 miles

What was I thinking?

K-C (used to be sista C but I changed her nickname) and I pulled a brick workout today.

We ran to the lap pool. 4 miles

Took turns swimming laps while the other watched the kiddo's. 

Then begrudgingly ran 4 miles back home with the buggaboo's in tow. 

Well... more like "shuffled" back home. It wasn't the fastest pace I've pulled!

I'm tired. 

And then I ate junk food all day. 

Stupid me. 

No wonder I can't get to my goal weight. 

I'm tired. 

Did I already say that?

What's motivating me to run again tomorrow? 

Becky. I get to guide run with her tomorrow.

I can't wait. 

No matter how sore my legs are.

Now stop reading my blog and go run.