Saturday's race was grueling.
I'll be the first to say I'm discouraged, more so now than I have been in a long time. And seriously disappointed in myself. It's been a few years since I've been stuck in such a doubtful mental existence. Two weeks ago I thought I was rocking this whole tri training thing. Yesterday kicked me in the teeth. It kicked me in the tooth that already felt kicked in from THIS POST. But don't you fret my pets! I'll pick myself back up by tomorrow. But I gotta process my bike race on Sat first.
The bike is my enemy. Food is my enemy. Hauling 15 lbs more this year than last - is my enemy.
I settled in on the bike and felt fine until I hit the false flats that seemed to suck the life out of my legs. I don't back down to a challenge, and I've never thought about crying during a race. Saturday - I almost cried. I debated quitting. With one swift twist of my foot I could clip out and stop dead in my tracks. I hung my head and and I actually thought about just plain and simple quitting. NEVER in my life have I thought about quitting a race.
I heard the voice of my sweet KDAY telling me "crying is only going to suck out energy that you need to go faster. So buck up and start pedaling." His dreamy voice was right. Instead of hanging my head this time, I bowed it and said a prayer. I asked the good Lord to help me finish this race. Help me to just keep going. Help me not to cry.
I said that I do TRI's because it's a challenge. I wasn't kidding. It's just never been this BIG of a challenge before. I'm ready now. It was the slap in the face that I needed to motivate me to reach my weight goals once and for all. I'm sick of hovering in the 150's and 160's. When I lost my weight before, I remember the moment that my dietitian told me, "Shannon, you have to be ready to let go of the weight. When you're ready to lose the weight your body will start to let it go." I'm ready. This weight goal has eluded me too damn long. Lets do this.
I've got new journey's ahead.
January 1, 2011: 140 LBS.
131 days to lose it.
3 comments:
Shan! You are such an inspiration to me, and anyone else that reads your blog. You give us that added strength and boost to accomplish the goals that we are failing to do ourselves. How lucky kday and lady are to have such an amazing, positive and upbeat women in thier lives 24/7! You go girl - I am rooting for you! Thanks for helping me out, I have 10lbs to go by lotoja! yikes
You CAN do it, you have the most amazing drive and motivation--seriously you could move a mountain if it were in your way. Remember you are loved!
always inspiring. i can't wait to chat with you. xo
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