5%

Me Monkey

In an adoption class I once read that 5% of all infertile women are able to conceive. I also read the statistic that 5% of all women with infertility who adopt are able to conceive. Adoption does NOT increase a woman's probability of conception after a life of infertility. Adoption should not be minimized as just a simple way to fix a problem. The miracle and sacrifice is not to be sought after as a treatment for IF (infertility).

As a woman with IF, prior to becoming a mother, I heard the comment "Oh you should just adopt! I've know so many people that adopted and then got pregnant."
A) Yeah, like adopting a child is going to just miraculously fix my ovaries that have been dysfunctional since birth.
B) "Just adopt"... like it's so easy. People act like adoption is as easy as "just" go to the store and pick out a baby and bring it home.

Then the second stage of the comments came after we had successfully adopted our Layla. "Oh! You know you're going to get pregnant now right!?" I would just casually smile and think, "Ok. Whatever."
Besides, who cared... I had my perfect angel baby.

What people don't realize is, yes, you do hear stories of people adopting and then getting pregnant... but you don't hear ALL the stories of people who adopted and didn't get pregnant. That's less exciting - so nobody talks about it.

Now we're in the double trouble phase of the misconception that adoption is a cure all for IF. I HATED hearing the stories.... and now I AM the story. But I really don't want to be. The comment I get almost daily now is, "Oh that's how it always happens! You adopt and then get pregnant!" No, I'm sorry, thats NOT how it always happens. I never thought it would happen to me that's for sure! Am I glad it did? Absa-freaking-lutely! But I hate that I have become one of those stories that people are going to use as ammo against the next woman they know with IF. I know how blessed I am and I know it's a great story to tell. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. Not anything. And I don't mind that my story will be told... I just mind if it's used as a "Just adopt and you'll get pregnant" story. Is that so bratty of me?
I just really don't want my story to bring a single ounce of guilt or frustration to any women who are still awaiting their miracle baby. Yes, some of us who adopt are blessed beyond measure to experience a pregnancy and birth. But also, there are many who adopt and that the end of their road to parenthood and there's NOTHING less miraculous or beautiful than that in and of itself. Adoption is a means to being blessed with a baby in your life... it's not a medical cure to a disease. I'm just part of the REALLY REALLY LUCKY 5%. Wow, I've never had good luck until now.