SEEING 30/30

 I'm officially 30 weeks tomorrow. And in the all the chaos of moving and Rider's arrival - I failed to blog about turning 30. First off, I obviously didn't meet my weight goal of losing 30 lbs before my 30th bday... but I most certainly met my pregnancy weight gain of 30 lbs :) Can that count? Thirty weeks is a little bitter sweet for me. The end is nearing and I'm loving pregnancy so much that I don't want the end to near yet. If I could push a "pause" button and stay in this stage of pregnancy forever, I absolutely most certainly would. It's the best... minus my fat face. Ya, that's the key, gimme back my jaw line and a little tone in my arms and legs and I could stay here forever. I can't believe it's gone so quickly. May 14th was the first time I saw those double pink lines on the test... well, all 6 tests :) It seems like an eternity ago that I was holding Kday's hand while quaking on the table as each second ticked by in slow motion as we waited to see a heart beat. And every appointment since that first one - I've held my breath until I hear the sweet music of his heart beating independently of mine. It's a miracle. So I'm welcoming the 30 week mark with eager plans of preparing for this little miracle man to arrive. I'm also planning on savoring every last taste of pregnancy I am blessed enough to experience.

As for turning 30... that rocked. My twenties weren't the fun filled, carefree, super hot body, years that most people experience. Although I was so happy to be married to my soul mate and to graduate college and settle into a home, my depression controlled the majority of my twenties. I struggled to survive some days. Literally, life was sometimes so overwhelming that I didn't think I go on for another day. But I fought and with the help of my family and my two Becky's, I found life. Near the end of my twenties I was able to find sday. I had become so lost that I had no idea what to even look for. And then slowly but surely I started finding piece by piece, small bits of myself and the things I have to offer this life. By the age of 26 I was on the road to joy and fulfillment. I kind of feel like I'm just at the beginning of the awesome road of joy I've discovered. I think my thirties are only going to expand my self discovery. Thirties also bring security, I'm secure in who I am and what I have to offer. I'm secure in my marriage and role as a mother. I'm secure in my knowledge that I have 100% control over my physical fitness and health. My depression no longer rules my life and I am the one in drivers seat. Thirties are going to be great because I'm secure in the knowledge that I can be me... and although it's a little quirky, crazy, wild, loud, unstable, and different - it's who I am and I don't need to change for anyone. If someone doesn't like it, they can leave it.
Except you Kday... You're stuck with me :)