SURVIVING THE TERRIBLE TWOS - PART II

Skipping the performance

I had a huge epiphany while talking to Kday about all of Layla's tantrums last week... I've been demanding 100% compliance and perfect performance from her all the time. Without meaning to, I was expecting her to be on her best behavior because my parents were around. They weren't expecting a perfect two year old... but I was worried about disturbing them. Unbeknownst to me, I was totally unrealistic in my expectations of her and I was mis-diagnosing her inability to be the perfect stepford child 24-7 as "poor behavior." When really she was doing great 90% of the time... I just needed to open my eyes to how well she was doing considering her age and her situation. 

So I realized my mistake was that I was unintentionally putting way to much pressure on the both of us and to chill out because my parents of all people understand that she and I are not going to be perfect all of the time. I could tell immediately that Layla felt a sense of relief when she realized I was letting about 50% of things go that I had previously been hounding her on.  Ahh, life is easier when we don't expect perfection.

U.R.?.U.R

The next point worth mentioning is that K.C reminded me that there are two points of view when looking at our two year olds. "She's two years old!" can be interpreted in polar opposing ways. The way I was viewing it was - "She's TWO!" She should know how to act by now! When in reality, I need to remember that, "She's two," means she has only had a short time to learn a lot of lessons. I need to give her a break and remember her young, innocent age. I've also realized that techniques that worked with Layla a few months ago... or even a few weeks ago - aren't necessarily going to work now. She's ever changing and I need to change my system to fit her needs. Two months ago, in church, she never thought twice about disobeying me when I asked her to sit still on the bench and play reverently. This month... she realized she has the power to not do as I ask. She figured out that she has a lot more options that just the one I gave her. Or at least - she THINKS she has more options! My job is to persuade her into realizing that she gets more rewards and life is happier when she choses to listen as opposed to disobeying. But I have to step back and remember that each day is a new one, she's growing older and her needs change almost as fast as Rider's diapers need changing. I need to remind myself to stop and observe her, listen to what she is telling me when she's screaming in the carseat or when she refuses to eat all of a sudden. She's talking to me in a whole secret language and it's my job as a mom to listen by growing with her and changing my reactions to fit her actions. 

Day'ly Plan

Oh the plan... I haven't been sticking to the part that says I'm supposed to by up at 6 am to exercise, but overall we've been sticking to the rest of it. It's not set in stone, it's not written in blood... it's just an outline for the day to give us an idea of what and when things need to get done. Breakfast doesn't always start at 8 am and last until 8:25 am.... but it helps me to have a goal of when to be up and ready. Bed time routine doesn't always happen perfectly with bath rotations beginning at 7:30 pm and ending happily with songs and a story - but we try to get the kids to bed before 8:30pm. And having the daily routine typed up and printed mostly was just a way for my brain to figure out all the mumbo-jumbo list of "needs to do" and organize them into a timeline of "hopes to accomplish in a timely manner" list. The plan is not something to set limits on things. No. The plan is just so I have a starting point to my day and it's working beautifully. Layla was struggling to get a nap in during the chaos of our days lately and it was taking a toll on her. I was letting her sometimes go all the way until 4:30 pm before getting her some down time... big mistake. So now, we still allow for flexibility - just not so much that her life feels out of sorts. The start of naptime falls somewhere between 12:30 and 2:30 now and that's plenty of flexability while still allowing parameters that help her know that there is security and predictability in her life. One thing I learned EARLY on with Layla is that SHE thrives on predictability and routine. Otherwise she falls apart not knowing what comes next.  So the plan is posted and Kevin is included on it... we don't always stick to it but hence the name, it's a plan.
And I like it.