UM..... NEVER MIND!

I know I promised to tell you all about the "big change" we made that has dramatically changed my situation. So here it is... but it's I have an entire post to write up about it. Later. I stopped nursing O. We switched over to bottles. There. I said it. I'll tell you more later. It still makes me cry a little bit.

THE SOLE PURPOSE OF TODAY'S POST IS TO RETRACT EVERYTHING I WROTE IN THE PREVIOUS POST "Rounding The Corner." Last week's trip to the zoo was a stark contrast to yesterday. What was I thinking assuming that I could re-create the wonderfulness of our trip last week? Just when I thought "I've got it together!" I had even thrown together this little handle to put on the stroller for those moments when I need just one more hand to hold onto Buca.

I whipped it up right before running out the door yesterday, in hopes of having a wonderful 65 degree day in the sun with my lovely children.

FAIL.

The moment we arrived, Layla's tirade began. And the torrential size temper tantrum and attitude problem didn't let up for the 4 hours we were there or the 40 minute drive home.... or for the next 45 minutes in time out in her crib. Had we been alone and not with our cute friends who rode with us and paid full price to attend a lovely day with the animals (Layla included)... I would have packed her up and headed home the moment she started hitting me in the parking lot on the way into the entrance. My great idea for "a big girl handle" completely backfired. Not only did she not want to hold onto it, she wanted to rip it off the stroller. She whined, cried, hit, cried some more, screamed, kicked, said "no" a million times, threw items, swatted, and screamed some more. I was humiliated. Time outs didn't phase her, pulling her aside and discussing her actions didn't help, threats didn't work, nothing was going to stop this wild animal that broke from it's cage and was showing it's nasty side. At one point we had stopped to eat lunch and even the babies were fussing because they were so tired. I wanted to cry right then and there. I wished I had some sort of teleporting system like on a sci-fi show to zap me home immediately before having to endure any more suffering in public. By the time we were in the car on the way home at 3:30 pm - the epic tantrum continued, so loudly in fact that Rider even began to cry. At which point he dropped his bottle which dripped 7 oz of my preciously expensive formula all over his car seat. It soaked through his clothes and he continued to scream all the way home, in harmony with his oldest sibling. Ohwee sleep through it all - miracle. 

After a serious time out and a long talk. I discovered my Lady Layla didn't feel so hot - a bladder infection and a runny nose was the culprit. It still didn't make up for the frustration I felt when I felt totally out of control of my very own child. I cried in front of my new friend on the ride home - again, humiliated that I was out of control and so was my child. Neither of us could pull ourselves together. Layla laid down for a nap - Rider played in the crib for an hour and owen continued to sleep through it all. If I drank I would have had a stiff adult beverage - but instead I ate. I ate to numb my swirling thoughts and to somehow feel like I was rewarding myself for putting up with my toddler. It didn't make me feel any better. In fact, it made me feel even more out of control. 

So here we are, picking up the pieces to yesterdays complete disaster. And I've decided never to think to myself, "I've got it all together" again... because I don't. On days like yesterday - I soooo don't. 

I know how bad I look in this photo - but it's reality. And I'm here to be real with you. That's the entire purpose of this blog... no sugar coating. What you see is what you get. There's not enough of that left in this world.
So here I am... in reality