DON'T BE MISTAKEN

Admitting my current state is one of the hardest things I'll ever do in my life. What I'm about to disclose is a reality that I am only choosing to write about in order to help increase awareness and offer support in the future. Right now though, I'm the one in need of some support. I have to admit it out loud if I'm going to deal with it. I'm in the midst of more than just the baby blues. I have a case of Post-partum Depression.

I haven't had a bout with depression since 2 years prior to Layla's birth, so for me to admit that I'm here again is heart breaking for me. I've stood before other women and actually been a mentor, an educator on how not to get here and how to escape the grips of the dark cloud. But here I am, having to remind myself of everything I've taught others. So I'm doing what I know how to do. I'm taking care of myself and I'm clearing my plate a little, until I am healed.

I can only hope that my readers and people around the world will educate themselves enough to know that what is going on with me DOES NOT mean that I'm not happy. It DOES NOT mean that I don't love my children so much it makes my heart ache. It DOES NOT mean I'm not fit to be a mother. It DOES NOT mean I'm a bad, sick person. I AM SO BLESSED AND SO SO SO HAPPY TO BE A MOTHER. NOTHING HAS EVER BROUGHT ME GREATER JOY AND FULFILLMENT THAN MY BABIES. So please don't misunderstand my depression for a lack of love and happiness.

It means that my body is recovering from some major hormonal changes that it is not accustom to. My body doesn't go through the natural woman's cycle that most do. These hormones are not something I've had to cope with in my 30 years of life, until now. It means I need to take some time to get some much needed sleep. Real sleep. Not interrupted sleep. I need to focus on the basics and caring for my needs as well as the needs of my three darlings.

So this week and maybe even next week, I'll be taking a break. Getting some sleep, fresh air, and focusing on loving my children to the greatest capacity... that will be my focus for a few days. I have a 5 point plan on how to beat this beast. And I'm actually looking foreword to being able to write about this journey in the future. I've always felt strongly that by being open and honest and talking about depression - I can help others who are in the hold of of the dark cloud as well as those who have loved ones in the cloud and don't know how to help them. So here I go... I'm going to climb out of the hole, get out from under the cloud and make a return soon so I can be yet another voice of understanding.

Wish me luck. I need all the understanding I can get.
* And a big big big thank you to my most understanding and supportive husband who continues to love me and help me heal.