OH YEAH.... ABOUT THAT

I believe I left you all hanging on a cliff when I mentioned "the big change" I made in my mothering of Owen... and I never followed up with the details of that change. So here's the down low.

I stopped nursing. 

It's taken me a few weeks to say it out loud without crying about it. Total and absolute silliness, I know. But many feelings were tied to my sadness about my choice. I missed the quiet alone time I shared with Owee. I missed our skin touching and most of all I really didn't want to let go of that last step of pregnancy. Nursing was the last physical manifestation (other than the ridiculously high number on the scale) that proved my body had decided to cooperate and function as a woman. Alas had become a breastmilk* snob.
But it was wearing me down. The countless feedings every night  and constant demand for me to sit and ignore the needs of 2 children while I attend to the needs of my youngest. If I attended to everyone's needs, I found myself getting up and down twenty times during a feed and it would take over an hour to accomplish a fifteen minute meal for O. So I dedicated myself to sit through the entire fifteen minute feed, only to find my other children's needs being neglected. It was a toss up between happy newborn = crying 6 month old and destructive 2 year old vs crying newborn and happy older kids. How does one chose? So I decided to find a way to keep everyone happy... and that included a bottle.
I've said from the beginning "Having 3 kids so close together doesn't make me nervous. Having 3 kids so close together and trying to nurse a newborn is what seems scary." And it WAS scary. I knew it was the right decision, all be it the hardest decision, because the minute that I chose to bottle feed Owee - total relief came over me. I didn't realize how overwhelmed I had been until I decided to go with what I knew... bottles. I know how to get a baby on a schedule with bottles. I know how to go places with a baby on a bottle. I know how to get a baby to sleep through the night on a bottle. I know how to BE A MOM with a bottle fed baby... I DIDN'T know how to be a nursing mom. So why keep trying to be something I'm not? So as hard as the choice was, it was the right one. For me, at least.

I still miss it. When we were at the zoo a few weeks ago and I saw the baby monkey swing across the tree, run up to his mom, nuzzle into her chest and latch on - I longed for the same tender moment from my baby. I watched her wrap her arms around her tiny one and sit still amongst the chaos around her and enjoy her little baby as they bonded. I wished I could do the same. But I'm still happy to be able to gaze into Owee's eyes while I feed him now, instead of cover him up with a blanket.

So we set up our bottles for both boys in the early morning and it makes the logistics of the day flow much more smoothly.

Besides.... bottle feeding baby O has given me more time for things like:

Setting up for bedtime routines

Doing fun activities with Layla, like Mr Potato Head and Play-doh creations

 

And realistically, this little turtle doesn't seem to mind the change.

In fact, he's growing like a weed and happier with the bottle.