STOP TRYING SO HARD!!!!!!

WOW! What a difference a day makes.

Has anyone ever told you "you're just trying too hard?"

I heard it ALL THE TIME when I was playing junior tennis. I would work my butt off at workouts and I would study play's and take notes on opponents and I was SO AFRAID OF MAKING A MISTAKE... all just to hear the words "stop trying so hard and JUST PLAY the GAME."

Well, that hot topic is resurfacing and in the last 24 hours I realized that I need to stop trying to live by the rules of a book and stop being afraid to make a mistake and JUST BE the MOM I know how to be. I can already see the difference in Layla and my relationship! We are no longer pushing against each other, rather we're ENJOYING each other. I'm just letting what comes natural lead me through the day and it has been a DREAM! I finally feel like a mom again and so happy. I feel like I did the first day I met little Lady Layla. I'm putting my anxiety away for good and just relaxing into motherhood..... yaaaa.

CONFIDENCE AND INTUITION

First off, I'd like to step down from my soap box and THANK YOU ALL for your loving supportive comments. Secondly I'd like to share my new found feelings on motherhood. In the last 24 hours you have given me the confidence back that I needed. As my dearest friend "the other Shannon" said, "Shan, you need to be calm and have confidence in yourself." I reflected back to the time that I was confident with Lady and when that confidence and self assurance left my side. It was a weekend that Kday was out of town for a bike race and I was left to tend to a 7 week old baby (which I'll admit I thought it would be a breeze) and Lady Layla decided to cry for about 48 hours straight... almost. I finally took her over to my MIL's and let her try to calm her.... to no avail we finally gave up and summed it up to a growth spurt. Ever since that weekend my ability to mother Layla has felt to be in a downward spiral. Her naps have been erratic, her evening screaming fits seemed to have escalated (though still sleeping through the night once she finally goes to sleep) and her ability to suck on a bottle without thrashing about has steadily declined. So I started to freak out, and I started to second guess my ability to care for this dear child. But "TOS (the other shannon) reminded me that I DO know what I'm doing and I CAN do this.... my way. I have been trying so hard to read the books and fit Layla into a mold of a scheduled and tearless baby that I have forgotten to allow my own intuition to step in and lead me. Instead of feeling comfortable wrapping my baby up and carrying her in one arm for a few moments while I accomplish a simple task, I was worried that I better not let her get hooked on being carried. Stupid. I can do this. I've been waiting 8 long years to be a mom and now is my time. NO book is going to tell me what to do. Yes I wish I could figure out why Layla wakes up every 30 minutes during her naps, and yes I would love to know why she hates to eat from her bottle all of a sudden. But for now I'm just going back to the plain simplicity of listening to my own voice and trying my best without holding myself to a standard of having "the happiest baby on the block."

DISCLAIMER

Just me on a soap box for a moment.

I think that books like "baby wise" and "baby whisperer" should come with a disclaimer that reads: "attention mothers, you may do EVERYTHING that we tell you to do in our books, you may READ and re-read and re-read every sentence we write, you may spend sun up to sun down and all the dark hours of the night in between TRYING to follow our counsel PRECISELY for 14 weeks... and your baby will NOT be the happy, peaceful, non crying, scheduled baby that we claim they will be if you do all of the above. You're baby may still be fussy, have melt downs EVERY night, cry for no reason, not eat, and wake up every 30 minutes during their naps during the day. So PLEASE don't feel like failure if that is the case. You can only do so much and the rest is up to the personality traits of your child. You are still a WONDERFUL mother even if you follow our books perfectly and your baby isn't the happiest baby on the block."

I know what you're thinking... she must be doing something wrong, she must not be trying hard enough, she probably isn't doing it the way the book says, or most of all how dare she complain when she's been waiting so long to be a mom. BUT PLEASE don't take this as a complaint of motherhood! Rather a complaint to myself that I shouldn't have expected to be the perfect mom just because I read a couple of books, or for Layla to be the perfect baby just because she is such a miracle. All babies are different and I can only do my best and keep trying to do better every day. I just wish that the books I turn to for help didn't portray the idea of "read this and your baby you'll always know exactly what your baby needs."

AUTUMN IN MY BACK YARD

Washed and separated

Steamed to perfection

Bottled for everlasting deliciousness

I love this season. The aura in the air of concord grapes plumping up on the vine in the back yard. We bottled 17 jars of sugar-free, 100% natural no added ingredients grape juice.

WRAP IT UP AND PUT A BOW ON IT!

TODAY WAS PERFECTION.

Last night Kday and I supported our favorite MLS team, REAL Salt Lake, as they took the W over the NY Red Bulls.

This morning Kday willingly snuck out of bed before I could rouse to hear the Lady crying for breakfast. By the time I was alert and oriented to the beautiful sun sneaking through the window, I had a freshly fed and bathed baby handed to me in bed. For a few minutes I snuggled my best birthday gift ever and then landed my feet on the wood floor and off we went. Kday informed me of a 9:00 am massage appointment and when I asked who would be watching the Lady, I learned that we got to spend my birthday together. All my birthday wishes came true. A day with Lady and Kday, no work... just play.

Breakfast smoothies prepared by Kday

Short meeting with our Attorney to complete paperwork needed to file for Finalization date.

Lunch Date at Finns. Omelette with sausage, tomato, cheese, and onion with toasted sourdough and fresh hash-browns.

My first birthday card from my daughter.

And the WORLDS Greatest chocolate cake and FAMILY

Lady slept through it all.

AUDITIONS: for a new softie --- Take 1

BOO!

DID I MENTION... I LOOOOVE HALLOWEEN!

Decorations are out, let the HAUNTING begin...