A FULL KIND OF EMPTY

Maybe it's my pregnancy hormones, maybe my inner nostalgia but walking away from our first home was harder than I had anticipated. I was eager to clean, de-junk, simplify, and box up all my belongings and find a place to start fresh. But in the middle of all the cardboard towers labeled as fragile, I stopped to remember all the moments that each room carried within it's walls.

I remember our first night in our humble home. I had buyers remorse as I worried that I would never feel like the white plaster walls would provide me the comfort I needed. The house was as empty on that first night as it was on our last. Empty of things but those walls are full of memories now. I remembered our housewarming party when my ovarian cyst ruptured and I begged Kday to call an ambulance as I was passed out on the bathroom floor. I remember the loss of my first pregnancy. I remember sitting on our $99 futon watching a cool new show called "The 0ffice" with Kday while he finished his degree at Weber. Bringing our daughter home to her empty little nursery and relishing in motherhood. Endless snuggly movie nights with Kday. A lot of laughter and a lot of greatness, some tears and even more change. I found an Sday while living in that home that I always knew existed but never believed I could achieve.

Some of the hardest and most beautiful memories I own were created there and I'll miss it. In the interim of old and new, it's been nice to enjoy a few amenities that our temporary diggs have to offer. Such as an automatic ice machine. You don't appreciate the small stuff until you go to drink your diet c0ke and the ice cubes in the tray are practically evaporated from sitting in the freezer for 6 months and they faintly taste like the freezer food. DVR is awesome, I've caught up with the Kardash1ans way more than I ever knew I cared to be, loving all the baby stories on TLC, and I'm hooked on Dance M0ms. It's only added to my sleep deprivation, unfortunately.

So we're settling in and keeping our eye out for the perfect place to welcome our third child home to as well as continue on my findings of sday. My future is rapidly changing and I'm trying to resist the instinct to be afraid of such an unknown and accept the excitement that this journey has to offer. It's like walking into a new space and knowing that there are a lot of memories that will be written on the walls, but wondering what they'll be.

Goodbye house. Thank you for welcoming home the two most beautiful children I've ever met in my life.

THE WHITE PUMPKIN

Before starting this 24 hour (now has turned into a 48 hour) EEG test on Rider, we enjoyed a little time outside.

Kashi learned how to jump off the diving board and yes, that's my daughter in the pool naked. How white trash of us.

Rider got a little fresh air also and now we've been camped out on the couch for the past 24 hours. Unfortunately during the 2 hour process of setting up the 21 lead electrodes on his head, he had two episodes but the machine wasn't recording yet. And since the set up has been complete, nothing. It was a long night but we survived thanks to Miss Mary taking over at 5 am so I could get a little sleep.

The dr extended the test for another 24 hours in hopes of capturing one of his episodes. I'm so frustrated. I really hope I haven't put this little monkey through all this for nothing. We basically can't get off the couch because part of the test means he's under 24 hour video surveillance. I'm just hoping he'll "perform" for us soon so that we can get to the bottom of this. 

I think his halloween costume has been decided. The Great White Pumpkin Head.
Poor monkey.

HOME AT THE 'RENTS

Welcome back my fabulous friends. We're adjusting slowly to the new life at the parents house. Lots to tell you about. But for now, the good news is my Braxton Hicks have stopped. The flip side of the coin is that Rider's tremors are still not getting better. Monday starting at noon we'll be doing an at home EEG with video test for 24 hours for the neurologist to analyze. Rider and I won't be able to leave the house or the couch so I'm sure I'll have plenty of blogging catching up to do and within the week you'll all be caught up on the findings of sday. And believe me... there's be  A LOT OF FINDINGS in the past 3 weeks of my life. Wowza.
Good night. Wish us luck.
Here's a vid of tonights tremors

ON THE BRINK

I haven't left the house for a "real reason" in over a week, other than for emergency trips to the store for formula, thermometer, prescriptions, or to the dr's office. My awesome progress that I had made on packing the house has been severely dawdled. I stink. I stink worse than the diaper pale that hasn't been emptied in days. The shirt I've donned continuously for the past 3 days is soiled in tears, spit up, food, snot, and other mysterious body odors.
I'm panicking about the move. How do I say goodbye to the home I've welcomed my two children to? I have so many memories here, the past few days are possibly my least favorite. But none the less, many many memories. My mind is swirling with thoughts, worries, eagerness, frustrations, and more. As much as I don't want to leave the comfort and security of my home, I just want this move to be over with. I want to have the time and energy to be a normal mom again. Go to the zoo, the park, get outside more frequently than every 72 hours. I want to shower, wear regular clothes, and feel like a productive member of society.
In all the years I've managed my depression - I've learned not to live in the state of "I'll be happy when..." however, in this situation - I'll be happy when I sadly say goodbye to this home and settle into our temporary diggs and watch my to do list dwindle to things I want to do, not have to do.
As much as I'd love to say I have my shiz together and I'm superwoman who handles the craziness in my life with total grace and ease... I don't. So because I'm feeling like I'm on the brink of losing my mind with all that's going on... I'll be back in no time and I'll find my sanity soon. Promise! Probably around October 3rd... if I was a guessing woman.

ROCKTOBER IS COMING!

Rider was born at the end of August. Now we're scheduled to move out of the humble abode I love to reside in (we need more space... hello! Have you not noticed I have babies coming out of my ears these days and no where to put them!?) next week. So September has disappeared, but I couldn't be happier. I LOVE October so much I insist it be called Rocktober - because I like to rock it. First off it's my birthday month. Second it's Halloween. Third the beautiful autumn weather is upon us and I can start wearing my cardigans over the arms I loath and not die of heat stroke. Super Rad. This October is going to be superb. My horoscope knows it, I know it, and now you know it. And when I settle into my new diggs I'll fill you in on all the September happenings of the adoption and the most amazing last 3 weeks of my life.

Here's another little treat to keep you enticed.

NOT SO DEVIOUS...

As much as I'd love to keep on with the adoption stories, mostly for my own documentation purposes... there's just not time this week. Or next. So go ahead, hate me. But I've concocted a devious plan to keep you lured into the blog for a few more days until the time arrives for the recapitulation of how Rider got here and how wonderful life as a mother of 2.5 is. Do you realize that our family right now is the exact amount of statistical numerics for the average American family size?! I do love statistics. We have precisely two and a half children. Awesome. I just hope the half turns into a full as profoundly perfect as this little monkey did...

STAY TUNED FOR MORE PICS OF THE MONKEY MAN TOMORROW.
Pictures taken by none other than the fabulously talented Jamie Caldewell. Also known for her incredible running and iron-man skills. If you'd like to book a photo shoot of your own, email me for her info. You wont be disappointed!

AHHHHH

We take a break in the regularly scheduled program of recapping our adoption week of Rider... to show you this darling picture. He hasn't been feeling so hot lately and neither has Layla. We'll summarize with the words, diarrhea, puke, and fever. Plus I'm trying to sort through and pack up my entire life by Saturday. So I'll get to the good stuff later tonight, but for now here's a little ditty of my chunky monkey. He LOVE's his bath. And I LOVE him.