EVOLUTION OF THE MONKEY

Me Monkey...

He walks...

Evolution at its finest.

FINDING SDAY AT HER BIGGEST

I'm in a place physically that I swore I'd never allow my body to return, and now I've not only returned to an obese body, I've maxed out. When I lost weight the first time and found the sday I knew resided deep within, I swore I'd never let the number on the scale start with a 2 again. Now it does and I'm in a bad, bad physical state. My feet ache as if the bones are breaking with every step the weight bending and pushing the bones to their limits. I can't move quickly in the way necessary as a mother of three. I'm tired and lethargic all the time and even worse, I'm frustrated and discouraged. I worked SO HARD to get me weight in control and I found a lifestyle I loved with running and triathlons. I feel so very far away from that person I found 3 years ago. Where did she go? I'm left with only photo's and memories of the good time and the happy place I was in.
What is the first step to digging deep and finding that life again? I don't know. I've debated for months and months at how to take the first step away from the body I'm trapped in currently. Then I realized it doesn't need to be some "big move" or grandiose change in lifestyle. I also came to the conclusion that this journey will not be the same as my last, so I need to stop trying to make it the same. Change comes in tiny choices. One little choice at time. I don't have the mental, physical or emotional capeability of chaning my entire life over night. Although, I kept telling myself that's what I needed to do... I realize now it's not.
One choice at a time. One step at a time. One walk turns into one jog turns to one run... train... race... ride... swim... tri... ect. I can't change things over night. As much as I've laid in bed and begged God to just let it happen overnight and bless me with my old body and old strength against the power of food, good things don't come overnight. Hard work is what will get me there. And if there's anything I know about myself - it's that I CAN DO HARD THINGS.

So can this chick. She's hardcore and she's my new coach. She races professionally as a mountain biker on Kday's KUHL cycling team. She's accomplished a lot of things and recently was a Xterra World Champ competitor in Hawaii.  She does hard things like THIS and she's helping me take one small step at a time and one choice at a time.

Today was a 45 min fast pace walk and 20 squats. It sounds simple compared to the 1/2 marathon I ran last year before I found out I was pregnant. But in the situation I've put myself in, it's equally hard. Sad I know. But what's done is done and there's nowhere to go but foreword. I'm sure to find new things about sday along this new journey, stay tuned and I'll keep you posted.

Thanks for your support. It makes each step feel a little less scary.

BIRTHDAY BALL

He cried most the night but all the same, it was a superb way of celebrating the wonderful 365 days of survival under our belts. This boy was born into the eye of the tornado and although things have quieted down around him, he continues to barrel through life with a whirlwind affect left in his shadow.   He was merely a 3 week old duckling when we packed up and moved, 20 weeks when we added another sibling, 6 months when he was sealed to his family, and 9 months when we packed up and moved again. He hasn't missed a beat but in the last few weeks of a more stagnant lifestyle he's learned a few tricks. He walks, he's obsessed with balls, and he can out holler any other child in the house. I'm sure it's a method of survival, survival of the loudest - seems to gets his needs met the quickest. 

He wasn't too keen on the birthday hat I spent hours and hours making or the cake for that matter. Of course. But what he did LOVE was his new place of residence in his waking hours. Rita knew just what he needed when she scored this awesome, indoor trampoline. And what's a trampoline if it's not filled with the boys favorite toy?! Balls!
And just when he's worn himself out from jumping and clanking around on his new work bench, he can put his feet up for a little R&R in the new club chair his Nana brought him.

We ate cake, blew out candles, dipped ice cream cones into sprinkles, opened gifts and what birthday would be complete without a singing bouquet of balloons? I mean, really!

The party was a ball and I think he rather enjoyed it... except for the screaming hat and cake part :)

ME MONKEY TURNS 1

5:42 am last year my little crush was born.  And just like his character I've grown to know, when he decides what he wants... there's no stopping him. Thus, his 45 minute labor and delivery. He was ready to get into my arms... and I was ready for him.

We're busy playing and celebrating today. So here's some delightful photo's of my little boyfriend and tomorrow we'll share our party deets.

birthday

Month 1

Month 2

Month 3

Month 4

Month 5

Month 6 

Month 7

Month 8

Month 9

Month 10

Month 11

1 year

this smile and those lashes just melt my soul every time. 

I've never met a more playful, rambunctious, zestful person and he's awesome.

IF MY HOUSE COULD SPEAK...

Ha! If this house could speak it would tell you all how batty I am and that I cry at least once a day and I'm working on laughing at least as much as I cry. But that's neither here nor there.
What this post is actually about is what I want my house to say to new comers or old comfy friends:

"Anyone is always welcome here."

"Come in, sit down, and tell me everything... I'll make you feel better."

"Clean, organized, but very welcoming."

"I love my family."

"Amusement"

"You are home." 

It's so hard to style our new house because I love such opposing looks and "feel." My instinctual side leans heavily toward uber modern and minimal. Yet my heart wants the decor to feel intriguing, safe, hospitable. Contradictory - yup. It also depends on what I want for myself versus what I'd want for my kids. 

I want:

What I want my kids and my company to experience:

Kinda contradictory ya think. So I'm trying my bestest to incorporate both styles and elements in their respectful places of the house. Plus the fact that I have $0 budget - is adding to the challenge. But I'm reminding myself that a house is created quickly - but a HOME is created over time. 

Tomorrow I'll show you my newest element of welcome - we like to watch our family grow. 

JOY SCHOOL

Thanks to the lovely ladies of our old digs who are keeping me in the "inner circle"- Layla will be starting Joy School next month. And the hunt for the perfect back pack began months ago. Why is it too much to ask for a backpack without the heavy dose of princess goo splattered all across it? And must it be larger than life and double as a rolling suitcase? Honest to Pete already.
After searching high and low.... alas! The perfect pack for my Buca Bird. The Skip Hop jr animal pack. Made for little bodies age 3 and includes an insulated snack pouch.

It will be here in 1 week. Can't wait wait to fill it with all sorts of school supplies. Oh the day dreams! Pencils, notebooks, fresh pointy crayons!!!! Ooohh La La!

BORN IN THE MOUNTAINS

There are few things I love more than taking the children up to the mountains to cheer on their dad as he pushes his body to the highest limit. It might seem to some a little pathetic that I sacrifice my own Saturday's to support Kday, but truth be told - it's an excuse to get up in the mountains and relish in the fresh air. It pains me a little to watch the kids get dirty and I have to repeat to myself, "It's OK let them have fun, It's Ok, It's OK, It's OK." Over and over and over, I seriously can't even carry on conversations attentively sometimes because I'm so focused on my mindful chanting. Ridiculous, I know. We cycle through about 100 baby wipes per Saturday as I scurry around and clean the children between rounds of dirtiness. You really should be proud, last weekend I didn't even change Layla's outfit when it got dirty, I just let it reflect the exciting day she had in the mountains. 

"Daddy has a monster truck!" said Layla, while munching on a cookie in the TEAM KUHL Unimog.

The part I love most about Kday's racing lifestyle is that my children have been introduced to our favorite mountains in Utah from the day they were born. Layla is more comfortable sitting in the chariot at the race, baking in the sun, counting racers passing by, and ringing the cowbell as she hollers for her daddy - than playing in her own back yard. Yesterday Kday and I watched as our first child raced her bike for the first time. It was one of my favorite Mama Moments ever. To my surprise, she went for it like a champion and she showed no fear. She braved the bumps in the road, and charged up the hills just like her dad. 

And she got a winner embrace with her dad after she took 2nd place.  (Would have taken first if the other little girls family wouldn't have given me the stink eye for telling Layla to make a pass before the finish line. I had to restrain my competitive tendencies.) Watching Kday kneel next to his daughter and cry with joy as she showed off her first race ribbon, was another Mama Moment. The whole day reminded me that there are rewards for us mothers that put in so much time and effort into the daily grind. 

 I should also mention that Kday finished off the 100K race with 11,000 feet of climbing in just over 5 hours and secured a spot in the top 10 Pro's. He was discouraged with this result as he had higher expectations of himself, but we would have still been at the finish line cheering if he had been the rider that took over 9 hours to finish dead last.

This bike race thing is our family lifestyle and I feel like the mountains speak to me and provide me with clarity. Yesterday the mountains told me to find gratitude in the beautiful triple threat that sat before me and clapped as their daddy climbed on stage and accepted his award. I hope my children will find the same joy in the mountains and kday and I have.