I eagerly sat down tonight to fold an overwhelming amount of baby laundry. It's one of my favorite parts of the day. Tonight I decided it's time to share Owen's arrival story. I've kind of been holding it close to my heart, but it's time for me to share the wealth. It was the most magical 7 hours of my life.
Get comfy... here goes. It's a lot of details, mostly for my own documentation. Hope you don't get bored.
It had been a long, long Friday the 13th. I had been on edge all day and the tipping point happened around 7:30 pm when my older brother poked me in the arm. It was the typical older brother thing to do and normally I would have just slugged him and moved on. But that day my neck hurt and I couldn't turn my head more than a few degrees in either direction, my hips hurt from carrying so much weight, my head hurt from lack of sleep, and my emotional bucket was completely empty. Instead of slugging my brother, my response surprised me... I cried. I got so upset I could hardly explain myself. I cried. Then I remembered a story that Rider's birth mother had told me about the first time she went into labor. The same thing happened to her, she flipped out because a friend poked her in the side and she got upset. So they took her to the hospital and voila... baby time. All this is besides the point. But I did find myself wondering if it was a signal that labor might be pending. Little did I know.
9:30 pm: All the kids were in bed and I sat at the kitchen table and poured my guts out in this post. I closed my laptop and walked down the stairs and as I neared the bottom, I sat down and cried. I cried for the umpteenth time that day. I felt so overwhelmed about my weight, my body image, my physical limitations and my tiredness. I silently prayed to my Father in Heaven that I couldn't do it anymore. Kday came down the stairs and asked what was wrong. I lied and told him my neck hurt. He believed me.
9:45 pm: I snuck into Buca's room and whispered to her sleeping ears that I was sorry for being so cranky today and tomorrow will be a better day. Then I began putting baby laundry away and observing the total destruction of our bedroom and living area when my water broke. I wasn't certain at first. But after changing pants 3 times it was obvious that Heavenly Father was answering my prayers. I couldn't believe it was really happening! Kday was surprisingly calm and his response was "Ok. Let me finish sending a few emails." Nice. I proceeded to run around and try on multiple outfits because I wanted to look cute of course! But do I go for cute or comfortable? I just couldn't decide! Next I threw on a little makeup because it was the one single day I had failed to do so over the past three weeks.
10:20 pm: I stood at the door to leave the house and and my pants continued to get more and more soaked. The car was packed, my "go bag" was grabbed and we were headed to the hospital in the quiet stillness of the night. We arrived and went straight to Labor and Delivery with my soaking wet pants and huge smiles on our faces.
11:25 pm: I was settled in and joking around with kday. We were wondering how long this labor would be and admiring one of my first contractions recorded. It looked like the shape of the SLC temple. At this point my contractions were few and far between and barely noticeable.
12:30 am: My contractions started picking up slowly and I was breathing through them with ease. Still laughing and joking with kday and the nurse as she informed me that my Dr wanted me to start Pitocin. I told the nurse I really didn't want to take Pitocin because I understood that it had the potential to make the contractions more intense. She agreed to give me until 1:30 am to "enjoy" my tolerable contractions and then she'd start the Pit. Sounds crazy but I enjoyed the experience of laboring naturally while I could before the Pitocin started.
HERE'S WHERE IT GOES FROM CHILL TO BONKERS IN ABOUT 60 SECONDS
1:30 am: The nurse returned promptly as she said she would, checked me again, still dilated to a 4, and she started the pitocin (later I found out it was such a small dose, according to my dad, that it really wasn't that much to even move things along and all the happenings of the next 2.5 hours was my body's natural response to labor) The nurse asked me if I wanted my epidural yet and I said, "No, my pain is really only a level 3-4 during a contraction, so I think I'll wait till I'm more uncomfortable." The nurse left the room and in one single contraction I went from laying comfortably in the bed to out right intolerable, wanting to kill myself, couldn't catch my breath, writhing in pain, moaning, and wanting to push.... PAIN! Kday was trying to help me breath through it and figure out what had happened and all I could do was tell him I wanted to throw up and push. I jumped out of the bed and ripped the monitors off because I couldn't even sit still I was hurting so badly. Three minutes later the nurse returned and checked me again because she was afraid with the type of labor pains and pressure I was having that I might be ready to deliver. I had dilated from a 4 to a 7 and Owen had dropped onto my tailbone and I was completely effaced. I was still writhing in pain as the anesthesiologist prepped me for my epidural. As each contraction came on I was begging for my consciousness to be lost. "Please let me die, or pass out," I thought. "I can't handle one single more contraction, please!" I couldn't even cry because I hurt so badly. The nurse and Kday were trying to help me breathe through it but I literally couldn't catch my breath. It didn't help that the Nurse Anesthetist had zero bedside manner and didn't say a word to me. I had no idea how long it was going to take, if the epidural was working or if I was even sitting correctly. Kday had to leave the room. And later, he told me he could hear me moaning all the way down the hall. In the 30 seconds between contractions I kept apologizing to the nurse for being so loud and being such a wimp. She reassured me that it was not normal pain and that it's hard to tolerate the pain when someone progresses so quickly. I kept telling them that my dad would be so disappointed in me for being a "screamer."
2:30 am: 30 minutes passed and the epidural was in place and taking affect. I was an 8 and totally comfortable. The parents arrived and my dad was awesome at telling me how proud he was that I made it to a 7 before getting my epidural and that he wasn't disappointed at all. He assessed the situation and reassured me that everything was going well.
3 am: Another 30 minutes of breezy conversation with kday and my parents, before you knew it I was a 9.
3:30 am: Another 30 minutes and sure enough, I was a 10. The Dr was called in and we began preparing to have the baby. I was a little sad that everything was moving so quickly and I wanted time to slow down so I could remember every moment of the experience. Nurses from the newborn nursery started filling the room, medical carts and all other necessities arrived and within about an hour the reality that I was going to deliver a baby was beginning to settle in.
4:15 am: Everything was completely ready and after a few minutes of pushing instructions from the nurse and doctor, my dad stepped out of the room and Kday assumed his position as official leg holder. I couldn't believe it was really happening and my nerves were overwhelming. A million thoughts rushed through my head, all the while I was still wishing everything would slow down. I'd been waiting for this journey for so long... the pinnacle of the trip was about to arrive and it's like I didn't want it to because then I knew it would be over and a new journey would begin. I looked at Kday, he looked at me and I said, "It's really happening. We're having a baby today."
4:25 am: I pushed my first push. 10 short minutes of pushing later....
4:35 am: Owen arrived. I wept. Kday wept. He was perfection. His scrawny little body sat before me and I silently wept, in awe of the gift God had just placed in my arms. After 7 years of waiting, hoping, dreaming, wondering... It all came to fruition. The entire experience was as perfect as the little person that was created inside me.
As I sit and nurse O in the silent darkness of the night, I can't help but re-live the memory of his birth day. I recall the sensations of him kicking inside me and the feeling I had when I saw those two pink lines on the pregnancy test, and I smile at how lucky I am. Words cannot describe it.
