First off, I'd like to step down from my soap box and THANK YOU ALL for your loving supportive comments. Secondly I'd like to share my new found feelings on motherhood. In the last 24 hours you have given me the confidence back that I needed. As my dearest friend "the other Shannon" said, "Shan, you need to be calm and have confidence in yourself." I reflected back to the time that I was confident with Lady and when that confidence and self assurance left my side. It was a weekend that Kday was out of town for a bike race and I was left to tend to a 7 week old baby (which I'll admit I thought it would be a breeze) and Lady Layla decided to cry for about 48 hours straight... almost. I finally took her over to my MIL's and let her try to calm her.... to no avail we finally gave up and summed it up to a growth spurt. Ever since that weekend my ability to mother Layla has felt to be in a downward spiral. Her naps have been erratic, her evening screaming fits seemed to have escalated (though still sleeping through the night once she finally goes to sleep) and her ability to suck on a bottle without thrashing about has steadily declined. So I started to freak out, and I started to second guess my ability to care for this dear child. But "TOS (the other shannon) reminded me that I DO know what I'm doing and I CAN do this.... my way. I have been trying so hard to read the books and fit Layla into a mold of a scheduled and tearless baby that I have forgotten to allow my own intuition to step in and lead me. Instead of feeling comfortable wrapping my baby up and carrying her in one arm for a few moments while I accomplish a simple task, I was worried that I better not let her get hooked on being carried. Stupid. I can do this. I've been waiting 8 long years to be a mom and now is my time. NO book is going to tell me what to do. Yes I wish I could figure out why Layla wakes up every 30 minutes during her naps, and yes I would love to know why she hates to eat from her bottle all of a sudden. But for now I'm just going back to the plain simplicity of listening to my own voice and trying my best without holding myself to a standard of having "the happiest baby on the block."
Monday, October 19, 2009
CONFIDENCE AND INTUITION
First off, I'd like to step down from my soap box and THANK YOU ALL for your loving supportive comments. Secondly I'd like to share my new found feelings on motherhood. In the last 24 hours you have given me the confidence back that I needed. As my dearest friend "the other Shannon" said, "Shan, you need to be calm and have confidence in yourself." I reflected back to the time that I was confident with Lady and when that confidence and self assurance left my side. It was a weekend that Kday was out of town for a bike race and I was left to tend to a 7 week old baby (which I'll admit I thought it would be a breeze) and Lady Layla decided to cry for about 48 hours straight... almost. I finally took her over to my MIL's and let her try to calm her.... to no avail we finally gave up and summed it up to a growth spurt. Ever since that weekend my ability to mother Layla has felt to be in a downward spiral. Her naps have been erratic, her evening screaming fits seemed to have escalated (though still sleeping through the night once she finally goes to sleep) and her ability to suck on a bottle without thrashing about has steadily declined. So I started to freak out, and I started to second guess my ability to care for this dear child. But "TOS (the other shannon) reminded me that I DO know what I'm doing and I CAN do this.... my way. I have been trying so hard to read the books and fit Layla into a mold of a scheduled and tearless baby that I have forgotten to allow my own intuition to step in and lead me. Instead of feeling comfortable wrapping my baby up and carrying her in one arm for a few moments while I accomplish a simple task, I was worried that I better not let her get hooked on being carried. Stupid. I can do this. I've been waiting 8 long years to be a mom and now is my time. NO book is going to tell me what to do. Yes I wish I could figure out why Layla wakes up every 30 minutes during her naps, and yes I would love to know why she hates to eat from her bottle all of a sudden. But for now I'm just going back to the plain simplicity of listening to my own voice and trying my best without holding myself to a standard of having "the happiest baby on the block."
5 comments:
Hey Shannon, so glad you are getting your confidence back. Keep up the good work. Its like the Beatles said "All We need is LOVE." As always your cute little family is my prayers
Anna
"The Other Shannon" helped me the most in motherhood as well. She always told me "don't sweat the small stuff" and it is so true. You are a wonderful mama and Layla is one lucky lady to have a mom with intuition that has been growing for 8 years. You can do it and I'm so happy you're realizing it again. Kudos!
Any Mom that puts a "kiss me booty" onesie on their little girlie is a good Mom!!! I LOVE IT!!!!
You know what you're doing Shannie! And you are an amazing Mom!!!!
You've got it, you have always had it...that sweet daughter of yours if very lucky to have you and vice versa--we love you!
"TOS" was my #1 resource!!! so glad she gave some great advice. she is awesome. so are you.
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