PACKED AWAY---

I've been delaying the inevitable. Avoiding the piles of newborn onesies and adoption memorabilia was not changing the looming reality that I needed to face. My parents gave me no choice, it was time to stow away the newborn and infant accoutrements that were strewn about their basement floor. Their basement entertainment room has been the gathering ground for Layla's outgrown baby necessities over the past sixteen months. It was time that organized it and packed it away.

As I lovingly folded each tiny set of clothing, I recalled snippets of the days she wore them. Most days I recalled were simply moments around the house, or while running errands. With the exception of her temple dress and the outfit she wore to the court house during our finalization, most of the days weren't anything special. Except, they were. They were special beyond measure. And my heart ached. It aches again the way it did before Lady's existance. Something inside created a pathway for fears to penetrate my mind and heart. Fear that I will be packing these moments of newborn-ness away forever, never to be reopened except to re-pack into a bag and send away for someone else to experience. 

There is a whispering in my heart. It's quiet voice is telling me it's time. I can't ignore the tapping on my soul that reminds me of my deep desire to be a mother to more spirits than just Layla.  Layla is not a "just" however, she needs siblings, Kday needs more children and so do I. How that is going to happen I'm not yet certain. If that is going to happen I'm also not certain. I hope the Lord will hear my prayers and if more children is not a possibility, I hope he'll quiet the whispering voice. If that silence comes,  I will continue in joy with the miracle I've been given. But if the future holds the miracle of more children, I must start looking for the path that will lead us there. 

For now, the bins are closed, labels made and the closet doors are closed. Temporarily I hope, because I relish every moment I have as a mother - and I dream of adding to those moments.