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| A "hope" stone written in Braille. A super sweet gift from a super sweet friend. |
For the readers who have no idea what I'm talking about when I mention Hope Group, here's a little Websters for ya. Becky, my friend and business owner of the worlds greatest counseling center (in my humble opinion) asked me to co-host a psych-educational group for women who have depression and/or anxiety. We started this support group almost a year ago and it has been an exceptional experience for me to share my skills in managing depression with other women. However, I often find myself gaining just as much insight from the group - as I intended to share. Here's an experience where I'm pretty sure I learned a lot more than I bargained for.
A few weeks ago Becky and I set up a special plan for the ladies in our Monday night group to release some balloons. This was on our last night of meeting together after many wonderful months of sharing and growing. We encouraged each woman to write things on her balloon that she was wanting to let go of. It could be a belief, or a negative relationship or a burden... it could really be anything that they were wanting to let go of in order to move foreword in their journey of healing and finding joy in life. Becky and I decided to participate as well and before I knew it, my balloon was covered in writing. Stuff I didn't even realize I had been carrying around with me. One of which was "to let go of the need to please Layla's birth mom - and to let her go from my life." I'm sure you remember this post....
So we walked outside and one by one each woman released her balloon into the night sky and we stood in the cold parking lot watching our balloons race away from our hands and into their own journey. I remember feeling amazed at how anxiously my balloon left me and excitedly it swirled up into the sky more quickly than any other balloons. I think I even cried a little. (what else is new?)
That night I followed up Hope Group with a little Yin-Yang yoga. My intention for my yoga practice that night was to focus on the release of Layla's birth mom from my daily worry and wonder. During the final meditation of the night I closed my eyes and the vision that came to me was one of a butterfly fluttering away from me. It was a beautiful and very peaceful, joy filled feeling. I exhaled all the worry and tension from my body as I let her go to a new place in my life.
That was a few weeks ago, about the same time that we wrote our very last update letters to Layla's birth mom. Yesterday, Kevin and I received the most beautiful letters from her. She is well, I can tell from her writing that she is growing and maturing into a divine woman with a testimony of the gospel. She also must have received the message I sent out into the universe :) She practically asked me to let go of her and allow myself to Layla's mom- no strings attached. In this very private and personal letter she was able to help me realize that I'm the one holding on... not her. I'm the one who needs to accept my solitary role as a mom. As Layla's mom. I've been holding onto the past, a little afraid of letting it go. But now I have. Her letter has given me the freedom to fly away from her and enjoy the journey with Layla. It was the most beautiful letter. I love her so much.
Dear Layla's Angel:
Thank you for being a stronger person than I am. Thank you for not only giving me the most beautiful and miraculous baby in the world... but for giving me the love I need to move foreword. You truly are and angel.
Sincerely,
SDAY
4 comments:
You always have such beautiful writing, and I am constantly amazed at the spiritual and emotional strength that you have (which you say you need to gain... you have it!!) I am happy for you and the release that you have experienced, and I hope that in a dark moment you won't forget that just because you didn't give acutal birth to your little girl, that you are her momma, you both had an angel, and you let yourself feel it 100%!
I hope you don't think it presumptuous of me to say those things when I don't know everything about what you have been through- but I thought you should know that you are truly inspirational!
Shannon, thank you for sharing those inspiring sentiments, and for being the kind of person who allows herself to feel deeply and think deeply. So many people just skim along the surface of life. True, the painful parts may be more painful when we allow ourselves to feel deeply, but oh the joys are so much richer. I am blessed to have you as my daughter. Keep it up, kiddo.
Wow. Powerful. Much love to you. Such a blessing to be your friend.
That was a beautiful post...thank you for sharing your soul...love you!
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